I was pregnant…I told the father of the baby…He didn’t seem like getting married was an option. I was in my late 20’s and was trying to be the liberated woman who always knew what to do. I didn’t realize that the unsettled feelings I was having were really God’s Spirit in me trying to guide me to the Truth and protect me from the horrible act of abortion. But being involved in sexual activity while not married and pursuing an abortion to ‘fix’ the consequence of being pregnant was what I was learning that grown-up, liberated women did…
So I found a Jewish Hospital that did abortions—figured that these people of faith had determined that this was a proper solution to my difficult problem. I was ashamed to tell family and friends…so off I went…the whole process was so clinical and I was one of many women that day…the cost included an overnight stay in the hospital to be sure all was well. Physically I was okay—knowing that I would bleed for many days after…it was my heart that was bleeding too but I didn’t acknowledge that for years.
When I did marry and was blessed with children, those relationships were affected by that grief…it is a forbidden grief in our culture. By the grace of God I was painfully forced to grieve this tragic loss of my child…to come to include her in my life and in the life of my family…and to experience God’s merciful forgiveness and assurance of His love. That spiritual healing from the tragedy of abortion is the gift of the Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat that is available throughout our United States. The national website with information and locations for the retreat throughout the US and other countries is www.rachelsvinyard.org.