I had an abortion when I was 16 after a panel of doctors called a therapeutic abortion committee convinced my parents and me to choose abortion. I was given a general anaesthetic. When I woke up, I was immediately filled with pain and sorrow. I cried out for my baby. Very few people knew about my abortion. I buried my secret deep down inside. To numb the guilt and pain, I began abusing drugs and alcohol. The remainder of high school was a blur. After high school, I entered a nursing program which I completed by the grace of God. I have been nursing the sick and the dying for the past 40 years.
I married in 1989. My husband and I wanted children right away but I miscarried five times in the first several years of our marriage. Then, the suppressed memory of the abortion came to the surface. I believed God was punishing me but later the Lord would bless my husband and me with 4 amazing children, who are now married with children of their own. I am Mimi to 11 precious grandchildren.
My parents, who have both passed, would never discuss the abortion with me. But when my Mom was in her final hours of her life she expressed deep sorrow for her lack of support when I needed her most. She was in a state of unconsciousness, but for a few moments when I was alone with her, she became alert and very clearly said; “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that it was a baby.” I embraced her as she slipped back into a coma.
This year’s March for Life theme is “Follow Me” from Matthew 4: 19- 20. Jesus called his disciples and told them He would make them “Fishers of Men,” if they followed Him. Unfortunately, I did not recognize the Lord’s voice at the time of my abortion. After a decade of self-destructive behavior, I began to find support and healing in the church and through ministries like Rachel’s Vineyard and the Silent No More Awareness Campaign.
I began to face my grief and let go of the shame that held me captive for so long. I felt a new calling. Like the disciples who left everything behind to follow Christ, I chose to leave behind my pain and step into a life of purpose. Sharing my story became part of my healing. For over 20 years, I have spoken out, reaching others who suffer in silence as I once did; offering them hope and restoration.
Today I stand in grace. What was once broken is now being used. What was once hidden is now a testimony. What was once silence is now a voice. My name is Dale Barr. I regret my abortion and I will be Silent No More.