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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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All Things New
Iowa, United States

My life has been devastated by abortion. I have had three abortions because I didn’t think I had any other choices. When I went in for my abortions, I was told that I carried only a blob of tissue, and it would be safer and easier to abort than to carry my baby to term. I would later find out that it had been a lie.

I remember lying on the cold table, with no anesthetic for the pain, staring at the ceiling, wishing I were someplace else. It seemed to last forever and the pain was unbearable. Nothing could dull the pain in my heart and mind as I listened to the vacuum aspirator method. I could hear by the increased labor of the suction machine when a part or limb of my baby was being extracted. Each time I tried to look at the jar with my babys’ remains, I was pushed back down. To this day, I still hear that haunting suction sound.

When it was finished, I was sent to a waiting room with the other girls. I was given a cup of juice and told I could leave in 20 minutes if I felt alright. I had never felt worse, but I told them I felt fine because I just wanted out of there. On the drive home I was in extreme pain and was bleeding profusely. I called them for help, but was told it wasn’t their problem, to call my doctor. I was too afraid and ashamed to call the doctor, so I lay there and waited and wondered if I would die.

A part of me died that day as I realized I would never hold or see that child. I became angry and depressed. I started drinking heavily; doing drugs, and became very promiscuous. I didn’t think anyone would love me unless I gave them sex in return. I got pregnant two more times and chose abortion each time. With each abortion, my addictions got worse. I even attempted suicide three times. My life was a mess and was spiraling out of control.

Years later, with the loving witness of my parents, I made a good choice. I Received Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I later met and married a wonderful man. After trying to start a family, with no success, we learned I was infertile because of the abortions. The suction from the vacuum aspirator had destroyed my tubes and ovaries. A few years ago I had to have a hysterectomy because of the severe damage caused from the suction procedure.

Everyday I live with the reality that the only children I will ever bear, I killed.

The only way I have been able to live through this nightmare is that I have come to know my Lord Jesus Christ. He has forgiven me and set me free. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says… “Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature, the old things are passed away; behold new things have come.”

There has never been a day that I don’t regret the “choices” I made to have those abortions, or think about those three children and who they would have been. Abortion didn’t solve my problems, it only created more. I want the world to know the harmful, horrible effects of abortion and how it destroys lives, so I WILL BE SILENT NO MORE.


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