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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

EXPRESS YOUR REGRET

Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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Count Your Blessings
Christie
Texas, United States

Hello from a fellow Texan!  I want to make this short, but it may not turn out that way. Someone who cares very deeply for you asked me to write this letter to you so here goes…

You are so blessed to have been raised in a loving family and in a church and taught right from wrong; I hope you know that first and far most. Here is my story.

I was raised in a very large family nine children in all and we pretty much had no rules and no responsibility growing up. I could do whatever I wanted as a teen and my parents never showed me love, so I went looking for it. (In all the wrong places) I thought guys liked me back then, but now looking back, I know they just thought I was “easy.”

At 16 years of age I was running around with multiple guys thinking I was getting “love” from them. All I got was an unwanted pregnancy. I couldn’t tell my mother so I told my sister… of course she told my mom. The first one-on-one conversation I ever had with my mother was the day she confronted me.

It was one of the “best” (I thought) days of my life. She said I would have an abortion…I was so happy! I wouldn’t be fat, I wouldn’t bear the shame, and no one would know what I did so off to the abortion clinic we went…

I think I was 12 weeks pregnant when this happened and the nurse gave me a sonogram and told me is wasn’t a "baby" yet just a blob of tissue. So my mom signed some papers and off to the “room”. I won’t go into the gory details of the procedure, but it was probably worse than being raped by a stranger.

I was laying there with some poster on the ceiling with a calm ocean scene. As he started the machine all I could think of was this is wrong! This is wrong!  This is wrong!

As he started the procedure, I wanted to change my mind but it was too late. The doctor began to remove the "tissue" from my body. The pain in my abdomen was more than I could bear and lasted about 45 minutes. The very sound of what I heard that day still haunts me. He finished and said it was over. I lay there five minutes because I had been in such pain and was glad it was over. I got up and began to dress. I was bleeding very badly.  I wasn’t up two minutes and the nausea started. I spent three hours throwing up and you can’t eat or drink anything the night before or that morning, so it was that really dry throw-up that chokes you because there is nothing to throw up... I went home and slept because I was so tired from the procedure and throwing up so long.

Fast forward 20 years… I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior… I begin to read my Bible daily… I get to Jeremiah 1:4&5. The word of the lord talking to Jeremiah…

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”

“Before you were born I set you apart”

I dropped my Bible on the floor... I was shocked at what I read… I began to weep profusely… The worst cry I have ever had in my entire life. God opened my eyes to what I had done. I had taken one of his creations and allowed a doctor to vacuum that beautiful creation out of my body and throw into the garbage.

I was totally depressed for years. I knew God had forgiven me, but my guilt and shame was too much to bear. So I started self medication to escape the pain. Drinking drugs you name it I did it all. I should have died. I was waking up in strange places, not remembering how I got home, not remembering driving home. Etc.

Fast forward 10 years…I have children of my own and am enjoying my life but every time I look at them I can’t help but wonder what could have been. I look at an empty dining room chair and I think of that child so many situations make me think of that day. It is forever haunting still after 20 years.

I am now going on 47 years of age and my kids are almost grown. TO THIS DAY THAT ABORTION HAUNTS ME. I have dreams about it I hate myself for it. I regret it. I wonder what he or she would have looked like… Every Birthday one of my kids have I wonder how old that child I killed would be. How could I have done it? Why didn’t someone warn me? Babies are fully formed in just a few weeks. If they had told me that my abortion would cause depression, anxiety, guilt, sleeplessness, endless guilt, drunkenness, sadness, regret, shame, remorse. I never would have done it.

I know God put me in touch with you for just this reason. Please don’t make the mistake I made. You will regret it for the rest of your life. There are so many of us that we even have groups we belong to and wear t-shirts saying “I regret my abortion” when we go to pro life rallies.

I know you are surrounded by people who will support you and I never had that my mom made me. Please take a good look around you and count your blessings. I pray that my letter will help open your eyes to a different view on what you may choose to do, but remember we have consequences to our actions.

God Bless


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