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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

EXPRESS YOUR REGRET

Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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Devoted
Brian
Ohio, United States

To whom it may concern, 

My ex-girlfriend had an abortion about 10-11 years ago. When she told me she was pregnant, I was 19 years old and I told her I was not ready to be a father. I told her I was afraid. I said that whatever she decides, I would be standing with her. I was young, afraid, and stupid. But, after a time, after she had an ultra sound, I said that she should consider adoption. She refused. I did not know what to do or where to turn. My family and I weren't close and I was drinking and using some mild street drugs; no coke or opiates or anything. I was not going to church and when the day came for the abortion, I went with her to have it done. I thought I was acting out of love of her. I thought I was showing her I would be with her through anything. Well, she had it done and we went home held each other, cried, and finally fell asleep. 

Well, we broke up and I went into the Navy. I was lost and without purpose. 9/11 happened while I was in boot camp and I was terrified of getting out killed. I went to Mass and someone asked me if I missed my parents because I was crying. I couldn't say it then, but now I can. I was crying because I missed God. I became a Eucharistic minister and devoted my life to understanding the Bible.

As time went by, I was discharged with full honors and I took a Greyhound bus home. Today, after graduating from Xavier University, I have been laid off and have no income nor do I have health insurance. I am being treated for PTSD from the military at the VA Hospital. I talked to a shrink about the abortion and they did not help.  I carry a great guilt for my part in it. Not only having sex before marriage, but also allowing my son or daughter to be killed by a "doctor." I don't know what I could have done. I could have been stronger in my resistance or talked her out of it. 

I still fear God. I feel cut off from my family, from my few civilian friends and from my community. I spend time now looking for careers, but I feel as if I carry this emotional baggage with me and the load is sometimes too heavy to bear. I am sorry for what I have done, I have asked God's forgiveness, I have prayed and I am seeking the Lord once again in my life. I am studying more and focusing on Dr. Peter Kreeft, Dr. Scott Hahn, C.S. Lewis, St. Ambrose, St. Thomas Aquinas, and St. Augustine.  I guess I needed to say this to someone. At times I feel as if nobody cares and I am afraid of getting into another serious relationship because of my ex's abortion.


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