To whom it may concern,
My ex-girlfriend had an abortion about 10-11 years
ago. When she told me she was pregnant, I was 19 years old and I told her I was
not ready to be a father. I told her I was afraid. I said that whatever she
decides, I would be standing with her. I was young, afraid, and stupid. But,
after a time, after she had an ultra sound, I said that she should consider
adoption. She refused. I did not know what to do or where to turn. My family
and I weren't close and I was drinking and using some mild street drugs; no
coke or opiates or anything. I was not going to church and when the day came
for the abortion, I went with her to have it done. I thought I was acting out
of love of her. I thought I was showing her I would be with her through anything.
Well, she had it done and we went home held each other, cried, and finally fell
Well, we broke up and I went into the Navy. I was
lost and without purpose. 9/11 happened while I was in boot camp and I was
terrified of getting out killed. I went to Mass and someone asked me if I
missed my parents because I was crying. I couldn't say it then, but now I can.
I was crying because I missed God. I became a Eucharistic minister and devoted
my life to understanding the Bible.
As time went by, I was discharged with full honors
and I took a Greyhound bus home. Today, after graduating from Xavier University,
I have been laid off and have no income nor do I have health insurance. I am
being treated for PTSD from the military at the VA Hospital. I talked to a
shrink about the abortion and they did not help. I carry a great guilt for my part in it. Not
only having sex before marriage, but also allowing my son or daughter to be
killed by a "doctor." I don't know what I could have done. I could
have been stronger in my resistance or talked her out of it.
I still fear God. I feel cut off from my family,
from my few civilian friends and from my community. I spend time now looking
for careers, but I feel as if I carry this emotional baggage with me and the
load is sometimes too heavy to bear. I am sorry for what I have done, I have
asked God's forgiveness, I have prayed and I am seeking the Lord once again in
my life. I am studying more and focusing on Dr. Peter Kreeft, Dr. Scott Hahn, C.S.
Lewis, St. Ambrose, St. Thomas Aquinas, and St. Augustine. I guess I needed to say this to someone. At
times I feel as if nobody cares and I am afraid of getting into another serious
relationship because of my ex's abortion.