I can remember that day like it was yesterday. It was a day I’ll never forget. It was the day I thought my world was coming to an end. Looking back now... I never thought that I’d be sharing what I’m about to tell you. In fact, if it wasn’t for the Grace of God and everyone God has put in my path, I would not be here right now. My heart still aches, and it is very overwhelming to relive this day by speaking to you right now. But I feel that my testimony might help others or save a life. Today I’d like to tell you about the day I lost my child to abortion.
I was 27 years old back then, and I was with a woman to whom I was engaged. We were pregnant with a child. She had already had two boys from a previous relationship, and I was ok with that. One weekend, when I thought she was visiting her sister from out of town, she didn’t come back on Monday. I went to where she was staying, and she was not there. I then waited at her house until she came home. When she finally came home, I asked her where she had been. She started to cry and preceded to tell me that our relationship would never work out. I was taken back and asked her why. I told her that we could get through it together. She then told me that she had had an abortion. At first I didn’t believe her and thought that she was just saying this to get me to leave and then have an abortion later. I told her to prove it to me. She then showed me proof. At that moment, I was so angry and shocked to the point where I was having a hard time breathing. I then left in a rage.
I got into my car and drove to the store and bought beer and a bottle of extra strength Tylenol. I had lost it to the point where I wanted to die. I drove to a spot where I knew I could not be found. I drank and drank. I was going out of my mind with the thoughts of losing my child. I felt life was not worth living now that I had lost everything. I then somehow drove to my parent’s house and parked in driveway. I then swallowed a handful of pills. I sat there as everything started to slow down. I started to feel numb—soon it would be over. I then heard someone talking outside. They asked me if I was ok. They then brought me to the hospital where I was given help. I then was kept like a crazy person until I was released, when they felt I wouldn’t hurt myself.
What happed next was devastating. I lost my job and couldn’t get help or counseling from anyone about what was then on my mind every second of every day. I moved back in with my parents, and they supported me till I found another job. I needed to do something to fill my time, so I went back to school to get my high school diploma. Every day I struggled with this. One day, after getting my life somewhat back together, I saw her at a store. She came up to my car window. My heart was aching. I rolled down the window. She said “Hi, how are you doing?” All I could say was ok. She then said she was sorry for all that had happened and that she wanted me to find someone who didn’t have kids and problems, that I deserved that. At that moment... all I could do was forgive her.
From that moment on, I not only forgave her, but I had peace. I went on with my life, met my beautiful wife, and had two amazing kids.
Everything was ok until the day I posted a meme on Facebook about abortion. I saw that my friends had different opinions about abortion. And, before I knew it, that day came back to me again. I knew that night, now that God was in my life, that I needed to address the past and get help. It was affecting me to the point of me shutting down to others. I was getting angry every time I heard the word “abortion”. A person gave me Paul’s number in hope that I’d call him for help. I struggled with calling him for a while. One day a friend asked me to help someone fix a sink. I told him I would help, and he told me it was for CareNet. I went to fix the sink and met Paul. He shared his story with me, and then I felt comfortable to share mine with him. I then began a men’s study to help men heal from abortion.
For the next few months I relived that day over and over again—this time not alone but with others that had been affected by abortion. I learned a lot from the study, about God’s healing power through His word. I shared everything with my wife and even told my kids that they have a sibling in Heaven waiting to see them. I also wrote a song about God’s love for all called “There’s A Better Way”. It speaks of how God loves and cares about all of us, knows all that we go through, and wants to help. I am grateful to God for giving me a song to share.
Looking back now, I see that God brought me through everything to where I am today. He sent the right people into my life to help save my life and bring me to this very moment. He also showed me that His love is for everyone, even people who have gone through an abortion or are thinking of having one. I also would not have been able to forgive the mother of my aborted child back then without the Love of God. I stand here today very grateful God brought me to CareNet and to be part of helping Him save lives through people who love Him and love others.