I had two abortions, both to please the men I was with. A few years back I finished a ten-week class on healing from abortion. It served me well and I was able to speak boldly to others on how the class had affected my life and helped me. God has gifted me with being able to paint. While working on a painting named “Humility makes a King” He begin to speak to my heart about the pain of others. He reminded me of the pain I had caused others and how He hurts for them. God hurts for the loss that my husbands have experienced. He hurts in the pain for my mother who lost her grand-children and even in my son, who had no siblings. Jesus never went boldly in and out, He took time, He knelt down, He reached out, He lingered to do His Heart work only He can do.
I thought of a snail this morning dragging across the walkway of life. I thought of stepping on the snail and crashing it.... but the stain of the trail that the snail left behind is not so easily crushed away. The snail is about the same size as a baby when so many go in for an abortion. The baby is crushed and destroyed but like the snail, the stain of the trail is not so easily crushed away. There is a trail of shame and guilt. There is a society that will not let us talk about it. There is no place to grieve for the loss. I don’t care what kind of a mother you are or how much others tell you that your baby was nothing but a blob, there is something inside you it says different. There is a stained trail in of hurt, pain, sadness and anger all leading to addictions such as alcohol, drugs or some other kind of an outlet or cover-up. You may respond to this in different ways trying to clean that stain in your heart, but it holds you captive. In that stained trail that follows you, there is also a “leading.” it is a leading in either of two directions. It leads to your own death and destruction (and when I say death here, I’m talking about your soul and your conscience) or, it can lead to repentance in healing and freedom. You can give yourself over to the One that can heal you and make you clean and give you life, here in now and also eternal life to come. When the good Lord cleans you, He also fills you up and you’ll begin to live the life that He has purposed for you. I’m not going to say it’s all joy and peace, but I will tell you that anything you go through after you’ve gotten cleaned up, He goes with you. Believing in the forgiveness of Jesus is everything – It is freedom. It is a way forward with a confidence that you can’t find in anything else. No more guilt -no more shame or condemnation. You get confidence - confidence to share the pain and healing with others. He also gives us a promise that you will see your child again and you can look forward to the time of a blessed reunion.