I had an abortion because the father of the child abandoned me and I was ashamed and afraid to tell my parents. It seemed an easy solution, legally available, and a quick fix. I could pretend that nothing ever happened, or so I thought.
The abortion experience itself, it was just too easy to get... a clinical procedure, a D&C, performed by my doctor in a local hospital. I still remember the nurse calling me because I didn't want to wake up. I had something to eat. My girlfriend drove me home, and I went to bed. I think my Mother knew, but we never ever talked about it.
After the abortion, I immediately felt regret and shame...Oh My God, what had I done! I went to confession, but I didn't believe God could ever forgive me. What followed were years of sexual promiscuity, alcohol abuse, depression, a suicide attempt and a nervous breakdown. I was diagnosed as bi-polar.
I found healing and forgiveness by watching EWTN, especially from Mother Angelica. It was the first time I heard there is no sin greater than God's forgiveness. For 30 years I confessed my sin of abortion every time I went to confession. Finally, a priest asked me how many times I had confessed my sin. When I told him, he said: "God forgave you many years ago; it is you who has never forgiven yourself."
The road to healing has been a very long and painful one, and it nearly destroyed me. I think we have been fed a lie for too long... If my story helps one other person and saves a life... This is why I am silent no more!