I was 23 years old and in college at NMSU in Las Cruces, NM.
I was partying and hooking up casually with my baby's father. We were friends
so when I first found out I was pregnant, I thought he would support me and we
could co-parent even if we weren't together. I was devastated when he told me
that I needed to get an abortion. That I would ruin his life by having the
baby. I felt worthless and alone, so I made the decision to abort my baby.
My sister drove me to
El Paso, TX to a clinic about 5 miles from the Mexican border to a run-down
clinic. The only thing any staff talked to me about was the process. It was
only after I signed the paperwork and took the pill that I was taken to a
waiting room with a window. And at the window, I saw an old Mexican man about
65 years old holding his Bible and a cross just praying. I still think about
him to this day because he was the only who was thinking of my child.
I haven't told anyone aside from my mother and my sister. I
couldn't stand to even look at the baby's father without feeling angry and
depressed at what I did. He didn't care that I was hurting. Because of my
depression and regret, I left college. I met a good man 4 years later and we
have been married for 10 years and have two wonderful boys. I still feel regret
of the life that I killed. My child would be 14 years old. I learned very
quickly after my abortion that it didn't mean that I wasn't a mother
anymore, abortion just made me the mother of a dead baby. It's a deep regret
that I don't wish upon anyone and I ask God for forgiveness every day.