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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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Jesus Stepped In and Made a Way for Forgiveness
New York, United States

In 1986 I was 32 and already had 3 kids with 2 different fathers.  I was separated from my husband, pending divorce, and involved in another relationship with a man 5-years younger who was in the military.  We talked about raising a family together with my kids so when I learned that I was pregnant I was so happy.  Unfortunately, he was not.  He said that he was still married (I didn't know) and that having this baby would put him out of the military.  

I didn't want to lose him and I didn't want to raise 4 children on my own so when he urged me to have an abortion I unreluctantly agreed.  I recall the office was very stark and we had to put a gown on and wait in a room with other women, most young women, until we were called.  I remember being given something and thinking that it's not too late to change my mind, but it was too late as the effects of the drug was taking over.  I wasn't out completely, and I could hear what the nurse and doctor were saying as they were instructing me what to do.  At one point, I overheard the nurse telling the doctor that it was a girl, which at that moment I fell apart inside.  

I let them kill my baby.  On top of that, my daughter always wanted a sister and I took that away from her. To add insult to injury, the father left me. Turns out he had no intention of staying with me.  It was 3 blows to my psyche.  I sunk so low in depression that on 2 occasions I attempted suicide, but fortunately both times were interrupted. 
For 17 years I struggled with the guilt of aborting my child - nothing could drown it out. I didn't think I could be forgiven for such a horrible atrocity and then Jesus stepped in.  A woman in my church was involved in an abortion healing program and encouraged me to take the class. With a lot of praying and repenting I was finally able to come to terms with what I had done and find forgiveness for myself and for the father.  

I also feel that my child has forgiven me as well.  I named her Hanna and had a private memorial service for her.  Only a few people, which includes my husband, know about the abortion.  To this day, I am afraid to tell my daughter who is now 44 years old because I don't want to hurt her.  I'm now 66 years old and it's time to be "silent no more".    


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