Last August I moved back to my college town to finish school. I had big plans to get my master's degree, pass all four CPA exams, move out of state on my own and start my career. Less than two weeks into the semester I discovered that I was pregnant. My relationship with the father of the child was not super serious as he was two years younger (19 years old at the time) and we did not plan on seeing each other after I graduated.
When I told him I was pregnant his response was "I don't want to be a father" and "you shouldn't even think about having a child right now". I was terrified and alone (since this was my fifth year at that school and all my friends had graduated the previous year). I didn't tell my parents for many reasons but mainly because I was too scared. I thought that if I told them I was pregnant and still chose to get an abortion then they would look at me as a bad person. It was confusing because I would be 23 when I had the baby and to me that didn't seem unreasonably young. But since I had spent the past years in college, I was not in a financial place to support a child on my own and I didn't want to burden my family.
The women working at the clinic where very nice and I felt safe there. However, I was given no counseling. They told me "Mistakes happen. You'll be back to normal in a few days." News flash: I wasn't. I was given so many drugs for the procedure because I told them how nervous I was. When I woke up the next day, I felt completely empty. I immediately lost all hope for my life. The guy left me. I cried alone in my apartment for at least three hours every single day, waiting for the tears to run out but they never did. I attempted suicide twice and spent a week in a psychiatric hospital.
I attended a Racheal's Vineyard Retreat where I was able to connect with my daughter and know that she has forgiven me. My journey to healing is nowhere near over. Every day is a new battle with different triggers and heartaches.
I am completely disgusted at the lack of disclosure provided to women about what really happens during and after an abortion. Women should have the right to know about the physical and psychological complications that abortions cause! Since reading Forbidden Grief and other books on post-abortion studies, I have told all of my friends and family about my abortion experience in hopes that I can help others see the truth. If I can help just one other person to avoid going through what I did then I will have completed my mission and that is why I am silent no more!