My name is Veronica Dennis. I live in Georgia. In 2002 I had an abortion. My ordeal began with a routine gynecologist appointment where I received news that would change my life forever. The Ultrasound showed that at 24 weeks gestation, my son,
Dominic had a brain malformation. After many studies and visits to the best doctors in the United States, we were told to consider abortion. We were told that our son would be fraught with seizures and live less than a year. I was overwhelmed by the pressure being placed on us by the doctors and specialists. I spent days without sleep. I was despondent. I asked God for direction but did not hear a response. I was silent, afraid, and angry. Yet, I feared what life would be like with a special needs son.
During all of this, I could hear my son, "Pollito", saying, "Mommy, don’t do it. I'm going to be fine!” He kicked harder than he ever had before, as to tell me he was alive, playing and that he loved me. However, those kicks for me were of pain, confusion, fear and at the same time, love for my son I so lovingly was waiting for. Unfortunately, I made the decision to go through with the abortion.
My appointment with a very well-recognized abortionist. I waited a very long time to see him. Women were going in and out like it was a busy beauty salon. The clinic was very elegant inside. However, when I got into the room, it was cold, windowless, small, and had a peculiar smell, a monitor, and a hospital bed. A nurse handed me a pill which she said would help me calm down. Without much emotion, she turned on the monitor and said, “I am going to ask you not to turn to the monitor please.” I know that until the last minute my son fought for his life. After the 1st injection, his heart kept beating.
The next day was the most agonizing of my life. I felt detached from reality. The last words I said before the procedure were, "I only ask to hold my son for a second.” The nurse had a compassionate expression. The Doctor said a few words. I asked, "Where is Dominic?” The doctor simply said, “No complications you will be fine”. How could I be fine? What followed was profound for a mother who had just taken her son’s life away.
Barely 1 lb., wrapped in a blanket, was the most beautiful child I have ever seen, with black hair, beautiful skin, and beautiful eyes, although closed, as big as rubies! It seemed as if he were saying, “I am your voice. Don’t cry mama, I’m in the best place.” Having him in my arms for a few seconds was God’s act of mercy.
The pain will remain for the rest of my life. No one is ever taught to bury their own children. The pain is, and will always be a permanent remembrance that God uses everything for good. I regret not having been brave enough to fight for my son, giving him an opportunity to live, to call me mom, to go to school, and to play with his father and sister.
In 2017, I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat in California. Although the recovery has been slow, God in his mercy has been my source of help. He’s my doctor, my medicine, my psychologist, my confidant, the one healing my wounds, and the one who has raised me from this trauma. His inexhaustible love has sustained me for these many years. I want to use my pain to help other women make the choice to give life and not take it away.
I love you Hijo. Forgive me. I look forward to the day that I will hug you again.
A butterfly with its broken wings.
A restored butterfly holding her baby in her arms.
I regret my abortion and that is why I will be Silent No More.