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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

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Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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I Remember Crying the Entire Time I Waited
Deborah
Florida, United States

Hello! My story is like so many. I was young and, dare I say naive, about abortion. I had been in love with my boyfriend for 2 years during high school. We had decided to get married. But his parents didn’t like me and were opposed to it. He ended our relationship about 3 months before my story begins.  I went skating and he was there. We still had so much in common. We went out and one thing led to another. I had quit taking my birth control when we broke up because I was never going to have sex again! 
The next morning, I knew I was pregnant. I waited 2 weeks. Negative test. 2 more weeks and it was positive. I told him. He didn’t want to talk about it. His father told him it was to trap his son in marriage and not true. 

But it was true. I lived alone. My parents lived down the road. My mother said to have the baby. My father said I’ll support you whatever you decide. I went to the doctor to validate the test that I had purchased from the grocery store. When the doctor said I was pregnant I cried. I was raised better than this! How could I afford a child? I worked 2-3 jobs just to live in my apartment. I raised my fist up to God and asked why was this happening? As I waited for the city bus to come, I paced up and down the sidewalk shouting at God for my own poor choice. Up and down I went until suddenly a policeman was in front of me. With my tear-filled eyes and red face from crying he asked me what was wrong. I told him. He said my family would understand. My parents loved me. And still I chose a different path. 

My father drove me to the clinic with my best friend. I remember crying the entire time I waited. We went into the room and I laid on the table. They brought in a machine that looked like a vacuum. The noise was overwhelming as they ripped that baby out of me, piece by piece. I can hear it now if I try to. But I didn’t want to think about that. So like Scarlet O’Hara I said I’d think of it another day. 

If my child had lived, it would be 43 years old. I didn’t regret it in the beginning. I thought I was right. I told myself I was right. But God had other plans. I never had any other children naturally. I was married for 16 years and then 25 and tried but they never came. I began to look at myself and to honestly look at my situation. What I found was that I had been flippant about having an abortion. Everyone did it. But after years of pain and torment I can finally say I received God’s forgiveness through my 3 step-children and forgive myself for the poor decision I made.

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