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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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I Wanted to Run, But Felt Glued to the Floor
Tennessee, United States

I was 19 years old, a freshman in college, in a committed relationship of 4 years. I found out I was pregnant, and we both were scared to tell anyone. After long discussions, and thinking of our futures, we called Planned Parenthood in Nashville. The appointment was set. On the morning of the appointment my boyfriend did not show up to take me. I contemplated canceling but felt led to tell my mother and get guidance from her. Instead, she yelled, and told me I was to go through with it, so I didn't embarrass the family. She drove me and parked across the street so no one would recognize her car. As we walked toward the door, there were protesters standing on the corner. They wanted to pray with me, and my mom grabbed my arm and pulled me away. 

The nurse came out and took me inside and locked the door behind me. Inside, I signed in and paid $375 cash, and sat down. My mother refused to speak or look at me, so I put my head down in shame and waited for them to call my name. They finally called me, took me to a room to change- I had to strip down to nothing, put on a gown and was taken to the procedure room. The walls were orange, there was a huge machine with tubes coming out the side, a table with surgical instruments, a sink, a bed with stirrups, but the most horrific sight was the shelf that went around the room with jars of baby parts in them of other aborted babies. I felt like I was in a horror movie and wanted to run but was glued to the floor. The nurse came in and told me to lay down, putting my feet in the stirrups. The doctor came in and didn't say one word to me, no questions, no last thoughts. He turned on the machine and a loud noise rang in my ears, and he began the procedure. I was writhing in pain. I was cramping and felt like my insides were being ripped out of me. The nurse did not hold my hand to comfort me. I screamed so loud, I know my mother could hear me but no one came to my rescue me. I could hear him sucking out pieces of my baby, I cried and felt so ashamed. When it was over, the doctor turned off the machine, told me to take ibuprofen for pain, and seek medical attention if I notice blood clotting. They took me to a recovery room where I cried for an hour. Finally, I got dressed, and when I walked into the waiting area, my mother looked just as horrified as I did, but remained silent. 

After the abortion, my boyfriend and I broke up and since then I have had several failed relationships, a divorce, I suffered two miscarriages, had drug and alcohol addictions, and had to work 5 jobs to provide for my two children as a single mother, all the while suffering the guilt, the shame, and the pain I went through and hiding a deep, dark secret within me. 

Fast forward to a year ago, where I was invited to attend a training with an organization that is trained to pray for those being led to slaughter, and only by God's grace was I given an opportunity to share my testimony with that group and that was the beginning of my healing. I signed up to lead this chapter in my church, and went through the Save One healing program. I am now starting the training to facilitate and help Save One. I give all GLORY to God for placing me on this path.  For healing and forgiving me for killing my baby, as He has now turned it all around for good. I can now freely share my testimony with others, and encourage them to save a life. 


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