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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

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Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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Melody's 2024 March for Life Ottawa Testimony
Melody
Saskatchewan, Canada

My name is Melody Stefanson. I was 16, scared and desperate when I got pregnant so I agreed with family and friends who thought abortion was the only choice. I was convinced my life would be changed forever if I had this baby, and at this point, I convinced myself it was only a clump of cells. I didn’t know until much later that my parents knew I had other options and were looking into maternity homes for me.

About a month after the abortion, I found myself very depressed. I slept too much, drank too much and took LSD. I had many sexual encounters, just to feel some sort of connection. After I went on a low-dose birth control pill, I found myself pregnant again. I told the father and he said the choice was mine to make. What I understood was that he didn’t care about or want this baby. I drank more and took more drugs until I was three months pregnant and then went to an abortion mill in the states. I was awake for the whole procedure. I heard the suction and watch the jar fill up with my baby’s blood and body parts. The nurse said it was just tissue, but I knew the truth. I drank more than ever that night.

That same year, I got pregnant for a third time. This time it was on purpose. I’ve since learned that many women who have abortions repeat the same cycle, but this one had a different ending. I married the father and had my baby. But my husband and I got divorced in just six months.

My son was 3 when I had my third abortion. I drove myself to the procedure because I didn’t want to tell anyone I was going to climb onto that table again. The abortion was extremely painful this time. I was weak and bleeding heavily afterward. I had to stay at a friend’s because I couldn’t drive myself all the way home. I never told anyone I had three abortions. With doctors, I would admit to one or two. I could never find the courage to tell the whole truth. I know people wonder how I could have done this terrible thing three times. I can’t explain it, but when I look back, all I can see is my desperation. Like many women, I relied on abortion to act as birth control. It’s a terrible truth to admit, so I blocked it and refused to acknowledge it. 

Then one day, I was watching TV one day and I heard a woman talking about her abortion and how much she regretted it. I finally knew, I wasn’t alone. I cried so much that day, grieving my children and finally admitting to myself what I had done. Later I wrote a song for my three aborted children. It was a love letter to them, filled with my regret. I hoped that people who heard it and who also lost children to abortion would identify with my pain.

Through my years of searching, I finally found Jesus. He set me free from the shame and guilt. I also found my way to Rachel’s Vineyard and it helped me find the deep healing I needed. With that healing came a gift from God – the courage to speak out. I wanted to be a voice for my children, to reach women like me with a message of healing and to expose the lies of abortion. I now had a purpose and my children had a voice. My voice.

I still mourn my unborn children and it pains me to imagine what they experienced as doctors and their diabolical machines tore them apart. I had chosen to use violence as birth control and my children paid the price. I have three beautiful children now and 11 grandchildren. They are all a gift from God. But I will never forget you, my precious first three. I named you Cherice, Daniel and Tamara and for you, I am Silent No More.

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