by Patti Smith, Regional Coordinator for San Diego, CA
“Why didn’t you say something? I would have married you, or helped in some way.” I heard those words upon telling a man I was dating I had an abortion … The words and his tears (yes, he actually cried) still haunt me.
You see, in my “dark days” I was quite the partier and with one of my unexpected pregnancies, I had a choice of two fathers. It’s not something I’m proud of, but sometimes the truth can be ugly. Even uglier is my informing one of them several months after the procedure … A cruel way to get even for him not wanting to see me anymore.
The reason I’m sharing this part of my life, ugliness and all, is because the Silent No More Awareness Campaign dedicates the month of June to fathers who have lost children to abortion. We have to remember, the aborted child is part of them as well. The child they too wonder about … What would he/she look like? What would he/she have become? They also suffer the grief, and if an integral part of the abortion decision, the same guilt and remorse as the mother.
Contrary to who I was back then, the man I was dating had a conscience and a heart of gold … someone caught in the middle of my path of destruction. Although I made amends to God and my children, I never did with him. I don’t know for a fact he struggled with the abortion for the past forty-plus years, but based on what I hear and read from other post-abortive fathers, he more than likely did.
If I were to see him today, I would apologize for the pain I intentionally inflicted out of spite and commend him for his willingness to accept responsibility, even though the child might not have been his (if only I had been so willing). I pray he was able to find peace and healing and that he has a happy, fulfilling life.
If you lost a child through abortion, there is hope and healing.
For more of Patti’s writings, visit her blog.