My Just Desserts
I met this stupid Navy officer in May of 1996. I got pregnant and didn't know what to do. He said that an abortion was our only option. I didn't want to do it but I wasn't strong enough to resist. I wish I had told someone I was pregnant and gotten support. I was a teacher at the time and single and worried about my job as well as what it would do to my family. In all honesty I didn't want anything to do with this guy either. Well, I regretfully had it done on June 22, 1996 and I haven't been the same since.
I no longer feel the deep happiness I once did and always feel like there is a black cloud over my heart. I wish I could go back to that day but I can't and it makes me so sad. I think about this baby who would be nine-years-old now and I wonder what he or she would have been like.
I eventually married an Army officer at the age of 36. We had a hard time getting pregnant. When we did, I gave birth to a wonderful daughter who has Down Syndrome. I somehow feel that her condition is my responsibility although I know in my heart of hearts that God doesn't work that way. It has been two years since her birth and we are trying to have another baby. This time we are going to undergo an IVF treatment. I can't help but feel that this is also my just desserts.
I have yet to tell anyone other than my brother about my abortion and I have been in and out of therapy ever since I had it, and I have yet to overcome these feelings. I don't understand how I let myself do it. I don't believe that even the most ardent liberal doesn't feel regret and sorrow for having an abortion; if not then they are subhuman. I wish that I could take it back, but I can’t. If my story changes one woman's mind, then my story will have helped.
Terri