I share my story not because it is so unusual, but sadly because it represents very much a norm. My life was shaped greatly by the impact of abortion as a young woman just 2 years after Roe v. Wade, and it remains the biggest regret of my life. In working with women the past 22 years as both a professional counselor and lay counselor, I know one thing: abortion hurts women. It hurts them deeply and breaks their hearts. I challenge the premise that to be for women, you must also be for abortion. When it comes to "choice", the simple truth is that choices have consequences. The choice of abortion is no different; it holds many tragic consequences for women.

30 years ago I was unmarried, out of college, and living on my own in the big city. I was contemplating law school and in a long-term relationship with a man I initially expected to marry. When I began to fear the worst, I went back to Planned Parenthood where the pregnancy test confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. The Planned Parenthood worker suggested I schedule an abortion the next day as the doctor still had an opening. I remember feeling trapped and panicky as I moved into a crisis mode. The PP worker assured me that I could talk to a "counselor" the next day about my concerns. It also quickly became clear that my relationship itself hung in the balance if I did not "choose" abortion. Again, the standard party line given by pro-choice advocates as to why women get abortions are not even close. In underscoring the dynamics of "choice" surrounding abortion, Frederica Mathewes-Green captured the truth: "Women don’t want an abortion like they want an ice cream cone or a Porsche. They want an abortion like an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off its own leg to escape. Abortion is a tragic attempt to escape a desperate situation by an act of violence and self-loss."

By the time I arrived at the clinic the next morning, I was paralyzed with fear. My "counselor" collected my $200 cash, asked a few questions, and assured me everything would be fine. She reiterated that this was a good choice for me as an unmarried woman only 6-7 weeks pregnant. My "counseling" session lasted less than 5 minutes. No one ever said a word to me that day about the baby, and I quickly found myself in a room with a doctor I’d never met, who knew nothing about me (including my complete medical history, I might add), and who said nothing to me. It had barely been 24 hours between the time I found out I was pregnant and the time my first child was destroyed. I was numb.

However, I also felt a huge surge of relief that no one would find out I’d ever been pregnant. Yet just one week later, I was in the hospital for surgery to correct the complications from my "safe and legal" early abortion. No one ever told me about that risk. Nine years later I ended up with a tubal pregnancy that was rupturing, which obviously not only ended that baby’s life, but also resulted in the removal of my fallopian tube and my ovary. No one ever told me about that risk either. Still a few more years down the road, I lost another baby in the second trimester. Again, no one told me about that risk. No one ever told me about the Abortion-Breast Cancer link, and more importantly, no one ever told me how deep the emotional and spiritual scars of abortion would be. No one said a word; so much for "choice".

The relationship I was in finally eroded, as did plans for law school. I took a new job, carried on with my life, and eventually met and married my husband. Yet in many respects I operated on a sort of "auto-pilot". I no longer made any conscious connection between my abortion and the gnawing, unfocused, free-floating guilt and anxiety that were always just beneath the surface. I had vowed to forget I’d ever been pregnant and did just that for the next 6 years.

With the impending birth of my son six years later, thoughts of my first child that I’d aborted years earlier began to resurface with a vengeance. I could no longer just shove them down. For the next year and a half I hungered on an emotional and spiritual level. I finally began to allow God’s truth to penetrate into my innermost being: the truth about what I had done in aborting my first child, as well as the truth about what God had done to make me His child. I began to experience the amazing grace and lavish mercy of God, and experienced peace for the first time in years.

In large part, I dealt with my abortion experience in a one-on-one professional counseling setting. It would be still years later until I participated in a PACE group. Being a part of PACE was truly a gift, and I will always treasure those weeks spent with the women in my group. Our time together enabled us to openly grieve the tragic destruction of our unborn children. As we acknowledged our responsibility before God and one another, we experienced deep healing of the secret shame that is inherent to abortion. Having the freedom to finally and openly cherish and memorialize my unborn child restored my soul as nothing else ever could. Even more importantly, however, it restored the dignity and honor due my unborn child’s life, however brief.

As part of God’s redemptive work in my life, I’ve had the privilege of sitting with women in crisis pregnancies and women impacted by the tragedy of abortion. I now know that it takes only one person to come alongside a woman in a strong and compassionate and committed way; it only takes one person to bear witness to that inner witness in the heart of every woman that knows it is good thing to nurture life. It only takes one person to demonstrate God’s own grace and mercy to a hurting woman who needs to heal from the pain and shame of abortion.

At its core, "choice" is fundamentally about telling people the truth, and allowing them to make an informed decision. None of us has unlimited rights – my rights end where yours begin. My right to control my body can never supersede the right of another human being to simply exist – especially the tiniest, most innocent, most vulnerable of all, our own unborn children. Women deserve the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! When it comes to abortion, the time is long overdue to require full disclosure.