Only Decision That I've Regretted
Hi, my name is Quynh-thi. Three years ago, I made a decision that I will always regret, the only decision that I’ve regretted in my life. I aborted my son Matthew. I had just graduated form UCI, and I got pregnant. I felt so alone and worried, and what was I to do. My boyfriend wasn’t ready to be his Dad, and I was too scared to do it alone. I decided to get an abortion because it seemed like my only choice. I didn’t have a job that would adequately support myself, let alone a child. So I thought that abortion would be a watchful, successful choice. Little did I know that I would one day be haunted by that choice.
The abortion provider told me that it was a quick and easy procedure with little side effects – I would be in and out in no time. What they didn’t tell me is that I would go through such deep depression for the next two and a half years. They didn’t tell me that I would try to commit suicide twice within a couple of months, that I would be an emotional wreck, or that I would have constant anxiety and panic attacks and migraines that could only be controlled with medicine. They never told me that I would take a year off – a year and a half off of work, to get professional help in order to get back to what seemed like a normal life.
Before my abortion I was a confident person who was ready to take on the world. I know what I wanted, and that was to have a family, and that American dream that everybody seeks. I was happy at that point, and then after the abortion I’d be so depressed. I worried about everything, even the smallest detail of life. I no longer looked forward to future events, no longer looked forward to going out with friends. I became petrified of – at the thought of having any children of my own. I lost all interest in life and began to pull away from my family and friends.
Fortunately, with the encouragement and support of my wonderful husband Steven, I got help. I went through a post-abortion recovery class through my church. With their help I found forgiveness through God; I worked through the issues associated with my abortion. With their support I am able to stand in front of you today and tell you my story. Six months ago I could barely talk about it without being hysterical. But now I can stand in front of you and talk to you. You may think you won’t have to worry about it once its over and done with. Just because you leave the clinic does not mean that it’s over; it’s only just begun. I never thought that it would effect me so deeply, but it did. It will effect you physically, mentally, and spiritually. You may also think that that it only effects you, but it also effects those around you, who care for you the most. It effects everyone: both men and women. It will destroy your spirit and your will to live. It did mine.