No Longer Suffering in Silence:  A Testimony

by Kathy

 

            Growing up in a Christian home, I eagerly gave my heart to Jesus at a young age. But as a teenager in a new high school, I drifted into the unrestrained lifestyle of new classmates, trading Christian virtues for popularity, and ultimately, a crisis pregnancy.  Being the granddaughter of a local pastor, my immediate family feared shame and ridicule and convinced me that an abortion was best for me. 

 

          Looking back, my heart whispered not to abort, but I numbly proceeded anyway.  The choice seemed simple – get out of my predicament and get on with my life.  But this “simple” choice would deliver me into an emotionally crippling tailspin of despair. The trauma of the procedure paled in comparison to the profound regret that I carried afterwards.  I was overwhelmed with an undeniable realization that the spirit of the child had been with me was now gone and that I could not reverse time. 

 

          Struggling to get over my secret, I rededicated my life to the Lord a year later and asked his forgiveness for taking my child’s life.  Forgiving myself was more difficult.  After suffering in silence for years, I finally participated in a post-abortive healing conference.  I learned that I was short-changing God by refusing to forgive myself, and a river of healing waters began to flow. Through God’s grace, my aborted child now has a name and a special memorial to honor him as a person created in His image.  I also look forward to our reunion one beautiful day when I meet our Redeemer and Healer.  Phil 3: 13-14.  Until then, I will be his voice to others…and be silent no more.