In 1966 at age 22, I had just graduated
from college and had obtained a great job working in the library in New
Haven, CT. I lived in a cooperative house where I met a young graduate
student from Yale and fell in love. One month later found out I was
pregnant. I knew nothing of birth control or abortion. Both were illegal
in my state and abortion wasn't legal in the country. My boyfriend told me
to go tell my parents. I did not want to because I knew they would be
horrified. My dad was a retired rear admiral and my mother was very
socially conscious. But, I did tell them. My father handed me a note
saying, "Get an abortion in Puerto Rico!" My mother just was in a state of
shock. When my boyfriend's mother called, she said, "It's just like having
your tonsils out." (My boyfriend told me she had seven.)
The library found out that I was pregnant.
They told me to get married or quit. My boyfriend’s mother worried that he
would lose all his scholarships. Together, our parents arranged for an
abortion to be done by my boyfriend's mother's doctor in Brooklyn, NY.
My mother took me on the train. I thought
I was just going for a checkup to see how far along I was. The doctor told
me I had 10 minutes to decide, because he was there to perform the
abortion. He told my mother it would cost $1200.
I ran outside into this strange
neighborhood. I tried calling my boyfriend. He was at the clinic getting
tranquilizers for himself, so I didn't get to talk to him. I called my
psychiatrist. He told me he thought it was the best thing to go ahead with
the abortion.
I didn't know where I could go for help.
I went back in. The doctor took me to the
room. As I undressed, he told me how beautiful my body was and proceeded to
give me a D and C. He placed the baby in a jar. I can't remember whether
it was a boy or girl; I now call him Liam.
As we were riding to the subway, with the
doctor, he pulled out a flask of whiskey and offered it to me. I could not
stop crying. We had to get a hotel room because my mother was too
embarrassed to take her hysterical daughter on the train. She asked me why
I was weeping. I told her I was afraid I would never be able to have
children after an abortion. She said that was not true; she was able to
have me after the abortion she had at age 18 when she was 6 months
pregnant!
All of this was too much for me to
handle. I sobbed, uncontrollably for a month. Finally I entered a state
hospital. I was in there off and on for two years. My boyfriend dropped
out of grad school and was hospitalized also, but not as long.
I suppressed all this for at least 25
years. During that time, a friend and I opened a pregnancy center and I have
volunteered at a local one near my town.
I believe abortion is the number one cause
of world, national, local, and family problems. Everyone has been affected
by it. Many millions of people are walking around wounded by its
psychological and spiritual effects.
I am in my early 60's and recently
attended a Rachel's Vineyard retreat where I found healing. I hope you will,
too. Here is a link to the Rachel’s Vineyard Ministry web site is
www.rachelsvineyard.org.
