I have had 3 abortions.  My first abortion was in my senior year of high school.  This was a very traumatic experience for me.  I had waited 4 months before I told anyone.  I think I was hoping that if I waited longer I wouldn’t have to make a choice.

Because I was 20 weeks pregnant, I was admitted into a hospital because they were going to have to induce labor in order to abort my baby.  That was a major turning point in my life.

I was admitted into the hospital the night before.  My dad dropped me off at the door of the hospital and I went in alone.  My mom was at work.

That night in April of 1975 in the Detroit hospital was a night that in no way prepared me for the life changing  experience that was about to take place.  There were 6 other girls in the room with me all lined up neatly in our hospital beds…I was the 2nd to last to be taken in.

I was given a pill to relax me and wheeled into the operating room.  Once in the operating room, I saw 2 nurses and 2 men, dressed in scrubs and white lab coats…a man put the gas mask over my face…my labor was going to be induced.

The next thing I recall was waking up prematurely in the operating room.  I was startled to see the 2 nurses facing each other at the foot of my bed towards the corner of the room, they were holding something. I tried to see what they had.  Then one nurse said to the other one, “This one looks like it would have been a boy.”  The man standing next to my bed saw I was awake and abruptly instructed someone to come over and give me more drugs.

When I finally woke up I was only 1 of 2 women left in the large room where we had started the night before.  The empty beds were neatly made as if no one had ever been in them.   The nurse was firmly hitting my arm and then the bottom of my feet saying, “It’s about time you woke up, we were beginning to worry about you….everyone else is gone except one.”

I was alone that day, and all that I felt stayed inside of me.  It was not to be spoken about…to anyone because this was a family secret.  After all, we were good, average American Christians.

I had NO preconceived notions of what life would be like, but, I can tell you that there are no words to use for the devastation.   It made me a different person full of shame, guilt and anger and started the downward spiral of my life.  Shame and guilt were now the decision makers for my life choices. 

That was over 30 years ago. 

In 1976, I married young and had 2 beautiful daughters.  Six years my marriage was ending and I became pregnant, only this time it was twins.

My OB/GYN tried to encourage me saying that I could take care of all of my children, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t believe him…I felt ashamed and less than, so I had an abortion and went through my first divorce.  I became promiscuous to fill the emptiness and relieve the guilt, but this led to another abortion.

Three abortions, 4 dead babies another marriage, 2 more beautiful children, but the shame and guilt were still making my life decisions so I suffered another failed marriage.  And then in 1991, God whispered my name.  It was 21 years after my first traumatic abortion experience. I listened and I followed. 

I went through a Post Abortive Program, H.E.A.R.T., (Healing the Effects of Abortion Related Trauma) where I received total forgiveness and healing thru Jesus Christ.  I was transformed.  I have been married for over 10 years now to Bill. We have a total of 5 children and 6 grandchildren.  Jesus is the Lover of my soul and my Great Redeemer.

The Truth MUST be told about abortion…the secrets must come out…

I CHOSE TO BE SILENT NO MORE