Overwhelming loneliness filled the air

I was involved in an affair, the only man I ever really loved, but I was married and so was he. I was 31 years old, had four children, and my husband had had a vasectomy. I had no choice but abortion, or so I thought. I saw no way out so he took me.

They said it was just tissues and a simple procedure. I was about six weeks. It was a cold, heartless experience. Overwhelming loneliness filled the air everywhere. I heard the suction, felt hurt and sick, but I never really knew it was already a baby. I believed the lies. I recovered physically and emotionally . . . then it happened again a few months later. I kept waiting for him to divorce until it was almost too late the doctor said. I tried to lose it thru accidents, but finally I had to go thru it again. Still I never thought of it as a baby yet. After all, they can't suck it thru a tiny tube unless it is just tissues that haven't made into anything yet! How ignorant and blind and stupid can one human being be?

But something inside me died emotionally that day, along with the baby that died that day. And it was the finish of the love and trust I had in the only man I ever really loved. I've never been able to love or trust another. It led me into a relationship with another female that ended up out of line in my despair and need. One sin leads to another, and another. But Praise God, He is faithful. I have laid it all at the feet of Jesus, it is covered by the blood sacrifice at Calvary. My babies are with Him precious and loved more than I can imagine, and so am I loved and forgiven more than I can comprehend.

I am active in the fight to save lives and end abortion and especially the ignorance in the land regarding the facts. Abortion takes a human life! I help youngsters, care &/or counsel and none have taken the out I took. Praise God! I've had the joy of placing one precious little boy in a loving home by adoption. God is good, no - He is awesome! I am convinced without God I would be with my babies. I couldn't handle life without Him, it's just too hard to bear its hurts.

Thank you.