I had an abortion in 1969, before abortions were legal. I was 26 years old. I had the abortion in Dallas. I was alone. Since that time, I have been married and divorced (not to my baby's father). I don't have any other children. In my mind, that's a good thing because I would have been a terrible mother.
I stayed away from church. I have had several episodes of depression; each one worse than the one before. I even made plans for suicide. In 1982, I admitted myself to a psychiatric hospital. After the hospitalization, I started going back to church.
I know God has forgiven me because I asked for His forgiveness. It’s only by His grace that I have had the strength to continue. However, it took me 35 years to accept that forgiveness. I continued to have episodes of severe depression until I was able to accept God's full forgiveness. My life has turned around. I continually pray for his love and for the strength I need. I no longer think about suicide.
Late last year, I went to Catholic Charities to volunteer at Rachel's Vineyard after seeing an announcement in the church bulletin for a retreat. I called and found out I needed to attend a retreat before I could volunteer, so I would know what the experience is like. I thought, “That’s good. I can do that. I have already been through all the problems around my abortion.” Well, I had an awakening. I had never thought of myself as a mother, after all I thought about having had a child. What a shock when I realized that I am a mother. I have a baby and he's in heaven. I've named him Gregory Paul.
With God's help and Rachel's Vineyard, I have hope. Until that retreat, no one knew about my abortion and I never thought I would be giving public testimony about it. But I want everyone to know that there is hope. Do not wait for years to find it. My life is great now. I look forward to everyday. God has truly blessed me.
"For the Lord is compassionate and merciful, he forgives sins, and saves in days of distress." Sirach 2
"If you have hope, this will make you cheerful." Romans 12