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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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Forgiving the Self
Georgia, United States

I was a fallen Catholic at the age of thirty. I was seeking God in all the wrong places. I was empty and devoid of joy, partying and escaping my deep emptiness in bars and in the consumption and abuse of alcohol. It was during that time that a friend of mine got pregnant. She knew that the father would have nothing to do with the baby and she could not afford to be a single mother. She made a very humble income teaching, as did. We were colleagues, both teachers at a prestigious university in Massachusetts. She matter-of-factly said she would get an abortion. I don't even know how far along she was.

At the time, and I say this with such utter heartache as a conscious, devout Catholic, I did not even blink an eye. I said, “Okay, I'll drive you there.” I don't recall why I stayed in the car. I did not even go into the clinic with her. I remember that afterward she walked out, got in the car, and said she didn't feel well, that she just wanted to lie down. So I dropped her off at her apartment. She did not really seem like she wanted me to stay. She wanted to rest and be alone, so I left. We never talked about her abortion again. I recall now how cold-hearted I was about the entire event. I treated it, and she did as well, like she just went to the doctor to be treated for a cold or a migraine.

That day haunts me as I am devoted now to my faith, to my God, to my heavenly Mother Mary, and to my husband and four beautiful children. How could I stray so far away from God? How did I become so lost and soulless and selfish and vacant? After I met my husband at age thirty-one, he very slowly (it's taken ten long years) led me back to my Catholic faith, back to receiving the Sacraments, and back to God and the arms of Mary. I have since confessed my sin. My priest, God love him, very gently told me that in the eyes of the Church, my sin was as grave as if I had committed abortion myself. I never knew that. Even as a revert to the faith and with a lot of study to better understand the faith I was born into, I had not grasped the full extent of what I had done until my beloved priest very gently informed me of the Church's stance on anyone who helps someone commit abortion. So while I know in my heart that God has forgiven me and the priest spoke those precious words, that my sins have been absolved, I still cry about it. I have not been able to forgive myself for what I have done, and that's probably even worse because God has forgiven me so I should be able to forgive myself. 


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