Thirty-three years ago I had an abortion. I was scared of disappointing my parents.  The guy I was with did not want marriage or a child.  I was thinking there was no other way, and let this man tell me what to do.  It was in the 70s and it seemed to be the answer. No counseling, no ultrasounds, just a pregnancy test then the abortion. The only words the doctor said to me were to use birth control because the one thing l did not want to repeat in my life was an abortion. I guess that was good advice; I was only twenty.

 It has taken me years to continually ask for God’s forgiveness and to forgive myself. This is a secret I haven’t shared with anyone.  So every year in October I mourn for the child I didn’t have.

 I read somewhere that the doc who performed my abortion finally retired.  Thirty years of abortions - how many babies?  But, I don’t blame him; it was my choice. Well that’s my story. Thankfully I married and had more children and grandchildren.  But the sadness of my choice has never gone away – I’ve just learned to live with it.  There but for the Grace of God go I.