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I Don't Feel Any Better
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Karla
Nebraska,
United States
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I had my abortion on Friday, March 29th 2013 in Bellevue, Nebraska. It was something I contemplated about for a long time. I was 15 weeks pregnant by my daughter’s father. I had been with him for six years. The day I found out I was pregnant, I was very excited. I told my boyfriend I was pregnant, and he made a comment about not being able to afford another child. He asked me how I felt about abortion. At the time, I was very upset and started crying. How could my unborn child’s father suggest such a horrible thing? I was upset and emotional for quite some time. My boyfriend ended up cheating on me and kicking me out of our apartment. I moved in with my mother who lived in a small apartment. The overwhelming feeling of being alone made me so angry that I actually considered abortion.
I did local research and found a place in Bellevue, "Abortion and Contraception Clinic." At the time I was 12 weeks pregnant. When I called to set a date for my abortion, they played a recording over the phone about abortion. Then they told me I would be charged depending on the weeks I was pregnant. The more weeks I was, the more it would be. They scheduled me for 3 weeks later. The day of my procedure I arrived at 8am.
I was scared and unsure. I walked through the main door which had a metal detector. Then the nurse stopped me and said I could not take anything inside except my ID, money and car keys. I opened the door and walked in to the waiting room. There were about 20 other woman also waiting. They had me sign some papers before I took a urine test and got blood work on my arm. I saw so many women walking around in pain, some were crying. It made me question if I really wanted to stay.
I sat around almost all day until it was my turn. By then it was 5:00 p.m. A nurse took me back and explained the procedure and kept referring to my baby as "tissue". I told her I was scared and that I not sure if I was doing the right thing. She told me not to worry, I'd be okay, and that I was in the best doctor’s office in the whole state. She then walked me back to a small room where she sedated me and tried to get me to relax. I blacked out during my procedure. Right as they were done I felt my life flash before my eyes. The nurse sat me up. Right in front of me I saw my baby's little hand in one piece, and I started crying. The nurse told me it was okay and took me to another room. She gave me some animal crackers and a Sprite. She then gave me my discharge information with the doctor’s direct cell phone number to call in case of an emergency. She informed me not to go to the hospital if I started feeling sick, but to call them directly at any time.
After my abortion, I have not been at peace and I mourn the loss of my child every day. I don't feel any better, and I regret it so much! And that's why I am no longer silent!
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