I am Julia from the Ottawa Valley.

As a young woman in the ‘70s, I turned away from my faith and became culturally set on a path to embrace contraception as recommended by my doctor. I was a young, independent, healthy, working woman and like many of my peers, I was sexually active. But, I became pregnant.

Following the culture which did not equate sex with life, I saw pregnancy as a problem and I was determined to fix it, with supposedly good reasons: I was new at my job, I had student loans, and no savings. Friends had had abortions. None had babies. My boyfriend said it was my decision to choose. I did not allow myself to acknowledge there was a child.

I found an abortion referral facility and the abortion took place in a major hospital, under anaesthetic. The next day I returned to work on the assumption I was perfectly okay. Shortly afterwards, I ended the relationship with my boyfriend. The abortion was my secret.

After I married and we had two children, I experienced insecurity, anxiety, nightmares and became depressed. I left my job. I lost my marriage. Various forms of therapy did not determine the ROOT cause. Twenty-three years after the abortion, I read these powerful words: 

“If you are depressed from having had an abortion, help is available..." My conscience faced the lie that choosing abortion “helped” me. My body became numbed by this truth. It had destroyed my child and now me too. It took courage to seek help, but I did it. Through Second Chance Ministry, a weekly support group at that time, with other mothers and fathers, I shared my secret. I repented and received forgiveness. I allowed my body and soul to grieve the death of Marissa.

I recently also came to know and repent that while taking the pill prior to the abortion, I had conceived another child, David, who died, being unable to implant in my womb.

With renewed faith, I choose to follow Jesus Christ, my Saviour - this is why I am Silent no More.