Now at 71 years old, my hindsight is clear, and looking back, it shows me how deeply my choices to end the lives of three of my children shaped me.

I was a young woman in the 1970s, searching for love and direction. Raised as a latchkey kid, I learned early to survive without guidance or a moral compass. At barely 21, I married the first man who said he loved me. That marriage ended quickly, and soon after, I found myself pregnant—terrified, ashamed, and alone.

I chose abortion because I was afraid—afraid of being a single mother, of poverty, and of losing my future. I believed the lie that abortion was a quick fix and told myself it was “just a blob of tissue.”

During the abortion, I numbed myself emotionally and physically. I paid extra to be anesthetized because I didn’t want to feel or remember. The clinic was efficient, detached, and silent. No one spoke of consequences.

Immediately afterward, I felt relief—but it was short-lived. That relief gave way to guilt, anger, and emotional numbness. For more than 35 years, I pushed down the pain and unresolved grief, convincing myself I was fine while slowly coming undone.

Over time, the damage surfaced. I had multiple abortions. My husband—the man who fathered my third abortion—and I have now been married nearly 40 years, with a total of five abortions between us. Those hidden wounds devastated our marriage and left psychological, emotional, and spiritual fallout that affected not only us but also our three now-adult children. Abortion didn’t stay in the past—it echoed through our family.

I knew intellectually that God forgave me, but my heart couldn’t receive it. I was a forgiven woman still living like the walking dead.

At 34, I came to Christ. I loved God and His Word—but peace still felt out of reach. Eventually, God led me to Choices Pregnancy Resource Center and the Surrendering the Secret Bible study. That’s where healing began.

For the first time, I faced the truth about abortion, grieved my children, and honored them as lives fully known by God. I learned that abortion is not the unpardonable sin—and that God offers far more than forgiveness alone. He offers restoration. I share my story because secrecy keeps us bound—but truth sets us free. I’m still here. And God’s not done.

Revelation 12:11 says, “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.”