Hello, I am Julia from Toronto, Canada. 

I am with you today as part of the Silent No More Awareness Campaign. I am a woman who regrets her abortions.  This is my story.  In the 1970s, I was a young, independent, healthy, working woman. As with many of my peers living a contraceptive, sexually active lifestyle, I suddenly had to face the real consequence – I was PREGNANT. I only considered these facts:

I was new at my job, with school debts, and no savings; my peers were single and childless – some had had abortions; I was not married; and my boyfriend was concerned but advised he would go along with what I chose to do; these affected my reaction that abortion was the ONLY choice.  

I placed my trust in a doctor I found and the abortion took place in a major hospital, under anesthetic. All the people involved, including myself, played our part in this procedure, to get it over and done with.  I then returned to work the next day on the assumption I was perfectly OK. Shortly afterwards, I ended the relationship with my boyfriend and the abortion became my secret.

BUT years later, after marriage and following the birth of my two wonderful sons, I found that I was experiencing: distrust, insecurity, anxiety and nightmares.  I gradually became less and less able to manage basic day-to-day tasks and my life spiraled downward into depression.  My marriage failed – my fulltime job failed!!    

I sought out various forms of therapy, but these did not help. Why couldn't we get to the ROOT cause? 

Twenty-three years after that abortion, the secret was exposed – when I read these powerful words: “If you are depressed from having had an abortion, help is available..." My entire body froze! Depression = abortion. Abortion = depression. At that moment, my body knew the truth!  I had to deal with that choice - my conscience could no longer suppress the truth - the abortion destroyed our child and was destroying me.  I made the call for help. Journeying with other men and women suffering from post-abortion trauma, I found the courage to share my secret.  I learned my baby in the womb was real. I named her Marissa - and I grieved the loss of her life.  My body and soul had been waiting for so long to grieve.  I repented of the abortion. Over time, I accepted forgiveness of this seemingly unforgiveable choice.  Integrating the healing process also involved building trust in myself and others, including confidence to make decisions; and the ability to return to full-time employment.  I learned to recognize trigger events, such as each year being aware of sadness during the month of June when Marissa would have been born.  

 

AND now, in the past few months, after asking God to show me any other issues in need of repentance, I find myself unravelling a new discovery – I have come to know that I had had a tiny child in my womb named David.  You see, in the early 1970s when I started dating, my doctor advised me to use the contraceptive pill.  This caused me to have ongoing infections, as well as its purpose of altering the womb to not allow implanting of a fertilized ovum – the newly conceived child becomes homeless and is aborted.

With much sadness and prayer, I have repented of these sins and I am mourning David’s death too.   My healing journey in ongoing, including forgiving those involved in the medical, health and political professions.

I am no longer a victim to the lie that contraception helps women. 

I am no longer a victim to the lie that abortion fixes a problem.

I am a woman who believes that my womb was created to be a safe sanctuary for the most vulnerable stage of the life of my children within the Sacrament of marriage.

I am now a women who embraces all stages of human life, giving thanks to  God as the creator of all life & love, and dependent upon the Will and Mercy of Jesus Christ, my Saviour.

I am thankful for my Church, my family and friends, where I have found hope and experience joy.

I regret my abortions.  

I don't want you to suffer.  

That is why I am silent no more.