My name is Nancy Kreuzer.  I was five and a half months pregnant when I was told my baby had water in the brain and was advised by my doctor to “terminate the pregnancy.”  Though the circumstances around my abortion are different than some, one commonality is I deeply regret my abortion. The doctor said the abortion would be a simple procedure, I could leave this behind me.

 

It was a two day procedure.  It was not “simple.”  5 rods were inserted into my cervix and I was sent home for 24 hours to dilate.  Once sufficient dilation occurred, the abortionist used foreceps to rupture the amniotic sac and grabbed whatever part of my baby he could, pulled, and took her out one piece at a time. 

 

The day after my abortion, I felt numb.  I had no baby to bury, no doll-size casket, no funeral service, no grave adorned with flowers.  No one brought meals, sent cards, or called, because I had been too ashamed to tell anyone about the abortion. In the following weeks, I tried to bury the memory of the abortion and not look back. 

 

For years there were signs that scars from my abortion existed, but I didn’t recognize them. I was unusually fearful, I had the sense that I wanted to run, and had repeated nightmares. I suffered from many things-- insomnia, flashbacks, anxiety-- but never attributed them to my abortion because I’d been told that abortion was safe, simple.

 

Fifteen years later, I gave my heart to Christ.  He said, “Come to me. You are weary. I will give you rest.”   And I knew the haven from the suffering of my abortion could be found in Jesus Christ.  He healed me, he made me whole.

 

I attended the Forgiven and Set Free bible study, a powerful time of healing.  The leaders of the bible study had had abortions also.  I didn’t feel alone anymore.  The forgiveness of a loving God has been life-transforming.  I named my aborted baby, Melanie.  I have her ultrasound picture on my dresser alongside the pictures of my other children.

 

I continually pray for courage and honesty to tell my story and God’s glory in it. That is why I'm silent no more.