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Testimonies
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Complicit
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Kathy
Massachusetts,
United States
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During college a friend came to me and told me she was pregnant. We sought the help of a college administrator that we both trusted. She presented us with details about how and where to get an abortion. My friend looked me in the eye and asked me what I thought she should do.
Both of us were “cradle Catholics” attending a Catholic college. I knew abortion was wrong and a grave sin. So, I said what our culture had brainwashed me to say, “You should do what you think is right. I will support you.” At that instant, a voice inside of me screamed “No!” but I didn’t have the courage or the words to say what I really felt.
I thought I was being a supportive friend. I thought the burden of this sin would be totally hers, and I was an innocent bystander just helping her do what she wanted do. Deep down, I was even a bit angry with her for putting me in this situation. I drove her to the abortion facility three hours away. I was not permitted to go inside with her so I had to leave her to face this horrible ordeal alone. I felt guilty and helpless. I felt weak when she needed me to be strong. I was ashamed for my lack of courage to do the right thing.
After the abortion, I drove her back to school. We spoke briefly about what happened for the next few days. Even though we remained good friends and have seen one another over the years since graduation, we did not speak about her abortion again for 28 years!
Eventually, I realized I was complicit in the death of this child and joined the 40 Days For Life Campaign to pray outside a local abortion clinic. I felt this was my penance. I finally asked for the Lord’s forgiveness for my role in this abortion. I was unaware of how heavy this burden was until God forgave me and wiped it away.
A few years later, I volunteered as a counselor at a local pregnancy center and God put me on the path to be trained as a leader in a post-abortion Bible study healing program called Surrendering the Secret. Now I have the courage and the words to care for women who suffer in silence and struggle alone to be healed and forgiven. By leading this program, I could finally be a true friend to post-abortive women, a friend that I had not been to my college friend so long ago.
Shortly after my training, I called my college friend. For the first time in 28 years, I asked her, “How are you doing with your abortion?” I asked her if she had been healed and if she thought about her baby. I asked for her forgiveness. I apologized to her for letting her down when she needed me most.
She kindly forgave me. I feel so much better speaking with her openly about the abortion and her baby instead of holding the secret deep down inside when I am with her. She is healed, forgiven, and spiritually connected to her son. Plus, she is happy knowing that I am “Silent No More” and reaching out and to help free other post-abortive women from their isolation and pain.
“We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
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