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Planting Seeds
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Rochelle
Indiana,
United States
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My name is Rochelle and on June 10, 1982 at the age of just barely 17 I had an abortion. Since that day I have felt deep regret and loss of not being a mother to my daughter.
I remember that day, the time leading up to June 10th and the days after, as though they happened yesterday. In 1982 there was no education or counseling available, no support, and the only alternative offered to me was to be sent away to a home for pregnant girls. I remember returning home on that sunny warm day, entering my bedroom, curling up on my bed feeling empty... Torn apart. The next day was life as usual. I was expected to clean my room, cut the grass, and never speak of my abortion. And for 26 years it was never mentioned.
The next 26 years was filled with pain and blessings. I heard the cries of babies, a child calling "mommy," depression, thoughts of suicide, mistrust, and fear of having future children. Now I know I was suffering with post abortion syndrome. What should have been a time of joy and excitement in hearing my sons’ heartbeats for the first time, feeling them move in my womb, and seeing their ultrasounds, was instead a time of feeling dread and profound remorse. For it was clear what I had done on that tragic day in June. I had taken the life of my baby. The privilege of being the mother to my two amazing healthy sons used to instill in me a fear that they would be harmed or taken from me in payment for the life I had taken so many years ago.
But a seed had been planted years before I would go through healing. Another post abortive mother who was strong in her faith told me, "God does not punish us through our children.” This was the first seed of many planted in my journey toward healing. I lived those 26 years with deep feelings of loss, shame, guilt for what I had done. I told no one, not even my husband. I was trapped in darkness, feeling as though I did not deserve forgiveness.
2008 would change everything! At my local church I heard the testimony of a woman who was post abortive and had received healing. A short time later I was sitting with a precious woman, telling her my story. For two hours, 26 years of shame and guilt came rushing out. She offered me hope, healing, and assured me God forgave for abortion. God’s plan was to lead me to a healing Bible study that assured me I was forgiven, my sin forgotten, and I was forever set free. This Bible study also strengthened my walk with Christ. He was my lifeline. On September 27th, 2008 I was finally able to lay down satan’s chains that had me in bondage and forgive myself. I was set free.
God clearly reveals to me that my baby is a girl: Danielle Nicole.
Although shame and guilt kept me silent for years; my fears of telling my husband and sons about my abortion were unfounded. Told separately and trusting God’s plan, they all showed me grace and mercy. I was now free to be Silent No More.
God’s hand has been evident in my journey the entire time. I am not sure why the process took 28 years, but I trust His plan. My precious Danny is beautiful, healthy, and whole, waiting for me in the arms of her father, my Savior.
I am Silent No More for the sole purpose of saving other women and men from facing this devastating pain and regret of abortion aftermath and to saving the lives of precious unborn babies. It is also to offer hope that, through God’s mercy and grace, healing is abundant through Christ’s love and the blood He shed for us all.
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