In 1975 I had an abortion because I had just graduated from high school and had joined the Army.  I was on a six month waiting list to be deployed for active duty.  It was during this time I got pregnant by my boyfriend.  He paid for the abortion and I had it two months before I left for the Army.

During the abortion procedure I experienced the most horrible pain ever.  It felt like my insides were being sucked out of me.  Immediately after the abortion I felt ashamed, sad and knew right away what I had done was wrong, and regretted my decision. As time went on after the abortion I experienced low self-esteem, shame, guilt, low self worth, and didn’t love and care about myself.  All these are symptoms of post abortion syndrome that I did not know at the time.  I also got a serious infection that damaged one fourth of my kidney.  

Regrettably, I had another abortion after leaving the Army.  I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I was not a Christian so there was no conviction from God.  I blocked out the experience so I would not feel any pain, I was totally numb. Even to this day I cannot remember the abortion and when it happened.  However, because of uncontrollable guilt I decided to have my tubes tied so I would not kill any more babies.  Something I regret to this day.   I was only 23 years old.

I found help and forgiveness through Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior in 1990 after becoming a born-again Christian.  But it did not stop there.  In 1991, I saw a video on aborted babies and realized that I had killed my children.  It was not a blob of flesh as was told to me by planned parenthood.  I cried first, and then I got mad because of the lie that was told me.  I started volunteering at pro-life events and learning more about planned parenthood.  I learned about their plan to eliminate the Black race through genocide (abortions).  The more I learned and spoke out, the more God healed my wounds. 

I am totally forgiven and set free from the shame of my abortions through the love of Jesus Christ, and I will not and shall not be put back in a box of guilt and shame again.  In 2000 God blessed me with a four month old girl through adoption.  He has completed restored me and filled the void in my life.  That is why I am SILENT NO MORE about the effect of abortion on women.  I want other women who had an abortion to experience this same freedom through Jesus Christ.  If God is for us who can be against us?