I was twenty years old and living with my boyfriend.  My parents had moved out of state so I was pretty much on my own, living with him when after about ten months together I found out I was pregnant.  Of course while we were dating and sexually active, he always said that if I became pregnant he would stand by me -I did not believe in abortion.   But the very day we found out, he went for a drive and came back saying that he didn't want the baby and that I needed to have an abortion.   The next few weeks he and his sister relentlessly insisted that I abort.  Meanwhile, I read baby and pregnancy books, but despite knowing it was wrong, I gave in and killed my baby.

During the abortion appointment, I cried filling out the paperwork, the women in the office did tell me I didn't have to go through with it but I would feel better after.  I fell asleep and woke up and it was over.  I cried all the way home.  I felt terribly disappointed in myself for not fighting for my baby, for not being stronger.

I lied to everyone about it.   After the abortion, we didn't talk about it, ever.  We broke up two years later.  I have since been married and divorced twice.   I have been blessed with three amazing children.  But have had zero trust in men, no real intimacy and when things get hard, I have run away.  I found forgiveness through Jesus Christ, knowing that He knows me through and through and loves me despite my failings.   That sums it up!

I am forty-one now, and engaged to a wonderful Catholic man.  We are saving ourselves for marriage, together almost three years now.  I have never been happier, but I might still need to name my baby and then help others.