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Not an Easy Fix
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Nancy
Virginia,
United States
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Hello. My Name is Nancy Tanner and in 1984 I had an early first term abortion because I felt that I had no other choice. Everyone and everything in my life pointed to abortion as the only solution to my unexpected pregnancy. They said it would be a quick and easy fix to my problems. They were wrong. I walked into an abortuary here in Washington, DC and when I told the clinic workers I changed my mind and wanted to leave they said it was too late. They pushed me down on a table and the doctor inserted a tube into me and I watched as the remains of my child that was being sucked from inside me filled a clear glass container. The pain was not a light cramping as they said it would be. It was excruciating. I felt as if my insides were being sucked from me and to this day I can still hear the chilling sound of the machine that ended my child’s life.
The Doctor dumped the contents of the jar on a tray as he attempted to piece together my child that had been ripped apart by the procedure. He yelled at me that he couldn’t find all the body parts. I squeezed my eyes shut and wanted to die. But the sounds and smells and images of that my abortion experience didn’t go away. It was not a quick or easy fix.
I immediately tried to bury my abortion and myself. I tried to pretend it didn’t happen. When that didn’t work I proceeded to try to forget what I had done in by engaging in self destructive and risky behaviors. In my darkest moment I contemplated suicide as I thought I was unredeemable and unlovable. But I was wrong. A profound experience showed me that no sin is bigger than the love and mercy of God, including the sin of abortion. Jesus and Mary were with me through it all and they loved me with a love beyond all human understanding. I confessed my sins and received forgiveness. To further my healing I attended a Rachael’s Vineyard weekend and I know that someday I will be reunited with my precious child, Robert Joseph.
Abortion for me was a terrible choice. It should be recalled as a faulty practice, a false promise. My abortion hurt me. It needs to be known for what it is and stopped from being sold to women as a remedy for their problems. I deeply regret my abortion and that’s why I am Silent No More.
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