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Testimonies
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Not the Answer
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Kathleen
Virginia,
United States
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I was 13 and living in southern California in 1973 when abortion became legal in the United States of America. Feeling abandoned by two alcoholic parents, one who also suffered from manic depression and polar disorder, I searched for love and companionship by adopting the same behaviors and attitudes I learned about from following the entertainment, music, and television industry celebrities, listening to the news and radio personalities, and, of course, watching my friends and relatives. Medical science was promoting safe sex through contraception, and many OBGYN's were putting young women on the pill as soon as they began menstruating. Some had begun performing abortions in the hospitals for their more affluent patients and used the term DNC instead of abortion. Entire medical practices revolved around getting young girls on the birth control pill, and then, when that failed, performing abortions on them. It was a revolving door for many of us who thought we were in good hands. After all, this was modern medicine, right? Abortion was legally, lawfully accessible to all women, especially those from wealthy families. It was just what the doctor ordered after the Roe vs. Wade ruling.
All the young women I knew at school had already lost their virginity, and dressing up to look like you were 18 was all the rage. Everyone wanted to be the young, glamorous child star model in the denim ads. As lonely and isolated as I had become, the only interaction I had with anyone was with these kids, who, just like me, had parents that were partying all the time, or even gone for much of the time. We were all on a mission to have as much "fun" as we could get away with. This behavior led to drug and alcohol use. The drugs took away all the pain associated with the abandonment of my parents, and the pain and grief associated with the abortions. The sex made me feel powerful, important, and, for a short period of time, desirable and loved. The group of teens I hung around with was all from wealthy dysfunctional families just like mine, with the same baggage and issues, so I felt supported in some unhealthy and bizarre way. How bad could things be, if one could hang out at the private country club or hop a plane down to Cabo San Lucas to party with friends whenever they wanted? Wasn't this all anyone could ever want in life, to be wealthy, glamorous, and sexually desirable?
I became pregnant a total of eleven times between 1973 and 1987. My OBGYN was a very prominent member of the medical community in Southern California, who taught many other doctors to perform these DNC’s in hospital. This doctor actually had delivered me, and now was not only performing abortions on me but was making hundreds of thousands of dollars every year performing abortions on everyone he could because the Supreme Court ruled it was legal to do so. Each time I would see my doctor in his office, he would remark at how healthy I was and how one day I would be able to have a family of my own, but, until I was married it was not a good idea to have a baby. He would examine me, determine how far along in my pregnancy I was, and then schedule the DNC. They would take my blood and run the necessary tests in his office right there in Beverly Hills. Then he would tell me not to have sex for one week prior to my surgery and then prescribe for me some antibiotics. I remember thinking what a wonderful thing modern medicine was, and how fortunate I was to be able to receive this care! I know now that I was just one of thousands of woman who were used in this manner to make money for these power hungry medical professionals.
Each time I had another abortion, the pain associated with the loss of that child compounded with the loss of the one before. I would try and fill the void left by the abortion by traveling, or shopping, or having a party, or doing anything I could think of to keep busy in order to avoid being confronted with my feelings and emotions in regards to the abortions. To avoid acknowledging the truth in any way possible was exactly what my parents and friends were doing, and it was what my doctors did, so it was what I did. Children learn by example, and so I sunk further and further down into denial.
The older I became, the more I began to notice that being around pregnant women made me angry, yet I never understood why! Even seeing a diaper commercial on TV upset me, yet I didn’t know why! When I heard the sound of a baby crying, I would feel sick to my stomach, and the sight of a child running and playing on the beach would make me feel empty inside. My heart had a hole the size of the Grand Canyon in it from the effects of those abortions, yet I could not connect the dots. Society and the medical community had done a fantastic job of completely desensitizing me to the truth about God’s precious gift of Life in the sacred act of Procreation between married couples. Sex had become a recreational activity to me, like bike riding or surfing. Suddenly, nothing in my life made sense to me anymore, especially my medical history. I decided to stop having sex and began to confront my belief systems, morals, and values. I sensed that something was very wrong with me and the harder I tried to figure it out, the more confused and upset I became. I sank into a deep depression, and I thought about killing myself more than once.
I am here today giving my testimony because I believe I experienced what I did in order to be another voice to speak for millions of women who feel they have no voice. After suffering needlessly for over 35 years, I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat and found a way to begin to heal from the devastating effects abortion and the culture of death has had on my life. The main stream medical industry and the government of the United States of America have a responsibility to every citizen of this country to protect and to serve. What happened to me is happening right now! Abortion is not the answer to the question of an unplanned pregnancy. Stronger birth control pills are not the answer to preventing unwanted pregnancies. The Medical communities know this. The problem is that Abortion is BIG BUINESS now, and the United States Government is backing it. Planned Parenthood LIES about the effects of abortion on women and men. The mainstream medical industry tries to cover up the negative psychological effects that abortion has on the American public. They think if they continue to ignore the truth that Abortion is Murder this issue will go away, but you and I know it won’t. I think what is happening here is WRONG and HARMFUL to the American public and I know I am not alone. I am SILENT NO MORE, and I hope that my story will encourage others to be SILENT NO MORE as well. May God Bless and keep you all …..Thank you.
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