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Testimonies
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A Decision Based on Fear
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Sara
Florida,
United States
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I was 19 when I became pregnant. I had been dating the father off and on for 5 years. This was one of the times we had just gotten back together. Shortly after finding out I was pregnant, he broke up with me once again. He threatened me in several ways and told me it was my "choice" what I did with the baby. I didn't want to have an abortion, but after talking to his parents and mine, it was presented as an option. I was scared. I was afraid of raising a child by myself. I made a decision out of fear, not out of the truth.
The day that I went to the abortion clinic is a big blur to me. I remember sitting in a room in the back with couches. I couldn't stop crying. I asked if my mom could come and see me. At that moment, I still didn't want to do it, but I felt like I had to. I don't remember being told much about the abortion, but what I would experience after.
As soon as I left the clinic I regretted my abortion. I was numb. I cried for days. I told my mom that I was going to Hell because I killed my child.
Soon after the abortion I started to go out and party a lot. I had relationships with many men. I started drinking a lot. I was hurting so much, but made it a priority to make it look like I was "happy.” I thought that as long as I was making money, dressing nicely, buying new purses, etc. that I would be happy.
After a few years of that lifestyle, I was even more wounded and filled with shame. I had been "saved" as a teenager, but I didn't continue my relationship with Christ. Through a series of events, a friend introduced me to her brother, who was in school at a seminary. He asked about my relationship with God and told me that he felt as though there was something keeping me from having a relationship with the Lord. I knew it was my abortion. I ended up telling him, and he was the first person who spoke truth into my life, that I could be forgiven and made new, even after an abortion.
I began going back to church and spending time in the Word. Eventually, I attended a post-abortion Bible study. In that study God made it very clear that I was to share my testimony with others. So many women around me had also experienced pain from abortions.
After years of believing the lie that God didn't love me anymore and could never use me, I now know what the enemy intended for evil, God will use to save many lives!
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