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Testimonies
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What I Wish I Had Done
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Debbie
Montana,
United States
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My name is Debbie, and I am a 61-year old wife and mother of 3 daughters, and I have a 7-month old granddaughter. I've been married to a wonderful man for 35 years, and God has blessed me with a dear family.
I grew up in the suburbs of Washington, D.C. and worked in an office doing clerical work after graduating from high school. I was very shy and didn't date very much. Sadly, when I was 25 years old, I was raped by my ex-boyfriend while I was sleeping. He was a drug user, lived with his parents, and didn't work steadily. I realized he was not the person for me and was in the process of moving to Colorado when I woke in the middle of the night to find I was being raped. He blamed it on me because I was moving away.
I had a pregnancy test at Planned Parenthood a couple of weeks later, which came back negative, and went ahead with the move. When my period didn't come a couple of weeks after that, I went to a clinic, had a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was staying with friends while I looked for a job, and I didn't know what to do. The ex-boyfriend flew out to Colorado and asked me to marry him. He had never wanted to get married before that but said "This was a sign that it was meant to be." I had a low self-esteem and had always thought the only way anyone would ever want to marry me was if I were pregnant.
I spoke with a counselor at Planned Parenthood who told me since I was only 4-5 weeks along, that the baby was just a blob of tissue the size of my thumbnail. I believed in God and had always gone to church growing up, so I knew it was more than that, but I chose to believe her. She told me most people just felt a sense of relief after the abortion. She also said they were having a clinic the next day, and I had to decide right away whether I wanted an abortion. It was the 70's, Rowe vs. Wade had recently passed, women's lib was in the headlines, and somehow I believed if I did it fast, I could pretend the baby was just a blob of tissue.
I remember that I couldn't stop crying and crying afterward, and, honestly, I could cry right now just thinking about that little baby. I even apologized to the ex-boyfriend and started dating him again. He told me he "wished I hadn't done it, too." I took the blame, and he never accepted any of it, even though he was the rapist. I stayed with him for about 6 months and finally broke free of that relationship.
I started a good job, took college classes, the ex-boyfriend moved back to D.C, and I've never seen him again. I met my future husband at my job and he's treated me like a princess ever since. I finished college and became a Dental Hygienist. I miscarried during college, but we were blessed with three daughters, who are lovely young ladies. We love our son-in-law and granddaughter, and our two other daughters are engaged to very nice young men.
I went through a Bible study at Care Net Pregnancy Center 10 years ago, and I'm a very spiritual person. I've prayed about this a lot and asked for forgiveness from God and the baby. I'm living proof that you never get over an abortion. Every time someone dies or I see a couple struggling to become pregnant, I'm reminded of how precious life is. If I can offer one bit of advice to a young woman in a similar situation to mine, it's don't have an abortion. You'll regret it the rest of your life, just like I have. There are agencies that will help you with your baby or a family that is longing for a child. I pray you will do the right thing--what I wish I'd done all those years ago.
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