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Testimonies
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Allowed to Grieve
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Katie
Indiana,
United States
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I was 15 years old and pregnant. It was decided for me pretty quickly that I would not keep my child. I didn't have a job or a driver's license, and I was just a child myself. I still remember the numbness that took over my life when my pregnancy was terminated.
The cold, dark, heart-breaking experience at the abortion clinic slowly infiltrated every area of my life. It's so ironic that the abortion clinic tells you how quick and safe the procedure is but never mentions that the effects are destructive and will last a lifetime.
After my first abortion, I was hopeless, had no self-worth, and became very promiscuous in the midst of experimenting with drugs and alcohol. I became pregnant again at 17. I gave birth to my daughter six months before graduating high school. After I graduated, her father and I moved in together, and I became pregnant again at 19. I lost that child to miscarriage. I found myself a single mother on my own at 21, still lost and broken.
After a night of partying I became pregnant by someone I didn't know. I was barely providing for myself and my daughter. In my mind I was failing as a mother. I decided there was no way I could bring another child into this world. I experienced a second abortion. I suffered in silence...alone. I shared this experience with no one.
I then had two more children, a daughter at 22 and a son at 25...I was a single mother of three...living in the bondage of my shame...numb and surviving.
I found healing through a local pregnancy resource center I visited after my son was born, as I was looking for help with formula. I built a relationship with a few people there that encouraged and supported me and, after a while, I opened up and revealed I was post-abortive. They referred me to an abortion recovery support group Bible study called Forgiven and Set Free. It was completely life-changing. I began the healing process in myself, and in my parenting and my relationships as I learned who God is, who He says I am, and that His grace, love, and forgiveness are big enough to cover all of my sins…even my abortions.
I was allowed to acknowledge my children, Isaiah, Ava, and Ella, and grieve them for the first time. I learned that all life is beautiful and has value and that is why I am silent no more!
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