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Testimonies
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Living Angry
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Zoe
Illinois,
United States
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I had an abortion on April 1st, 2004. Looking back, I wish I could say it was an April Fool's Day joke. I had an abortion because I was planning to move to Chicago to attend graduate school, and a baby would interfere with my career plans.
The abortion clinic was dingy and crowded; it had old donated couches and furniture everywhere. I remember we sat there forever. I felt very indifferent to the whole day and did not make eye contact with many people. During the abortion procedure, I remember feeling cold, and I heard what was going on. I mostly went through the day in a haze. After the abortion was over, I broke down and cried, but I don't remember associating any specific feeling of sadness or relief or anything with it. I just cried.
I went home and lay around for a few days before pulling myself back together and getting back to life.
I have a hard time remembering what I was like before the abortion, but I know afterward I was so angry at everyone and everything. I slept around and drank too much. I devoted my life to my career and life in Chicago to make it worth the loss.
After ten years of living angry and career-fueled, I heard a women mention she was leading a post-abortion Bible study. I enrolled, and, through the Forgiven and Set Free study, I walked with Jesus through each area of my life the abortion had affected. He healed me and replaced my shame with joy and peace. This is why I am silent no more, because there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
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