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Testimonies
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Sealed by Love
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Patti
California,
United States
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My name is Patti Smith, San Diego Regional Coordinator.
I became pregnant twice in the mid-seventies. I was single and career oriented which is why I chose to have the first abortion.
The procedure was performed by my OB/GYN. He nonchalantly invited two male interns into the room to observe as a “teaching moment.” I didn’t protest. I was too intimidated and embarrassed to say no. Although relieved at no longer being pregnant, I left feeling dirty and humiliated.
I wanted to keep my second baby, but my parents encouraged me to abort due to worries about my career and their reputation. I hesitated but gave in just to please them. This time, I chose Planned Parenthood, believing they would be more compassionate than my OB/GYN. I was wrong. That doctor didn’t utter one word to me. He walked in, performed the abortion, then walked out. The support staff was just as cold and unfeeling.
After each abortion, my drinking and promiscuity escalated. I also demanded a tubal ligation at the age of thirty, punishment for what I had done. Eventually, I became emotionally bankrupt, convinced suicide was the only answer. When asked by the hospital psychiatrist why I wanted to die I told him I was already dead inside and just wanted to finish the job.
Even after years of therapy and sobriety, I continued to be emotionally disjointed. It was only after hearing a woman share her abortion experience and subsequent healing that I saw a ray of hope.
I attended a healing retreat and came to understand I drank and slept around to suppress the guilt, shame, and self-hatred from my abortions. I had a gaping wound in my soul that could only be sealed by the love and forgiveness of God, my children and myself.
I’ll always carry the emotional scars of abortion, but I’ll gladly display them to prevent others from destroying the lives of their children as well as their own. That’s why I’m Silent No More.
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