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Testimonies
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Men's Voices
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Patrick
California,
United States
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My name is Patrick, and I am here to share with you how abortion has affected my life. 13 years ago when I was a senior in high school I found myself in a crisis satiation. I got my girlfriend pregnant! Upon hearing this news I was NOT filled with joy or excitement, but rather filled with fear. I was literally terrified! Words cannot describe the gravity of emotions I felt when I realized that my actions with my girlfriend created Life! I remember thinking to myself, “How could this be? How could I have been so careless?”
My girlfriend at the time was open to the idea of adoption. But I refused to hear and explore this option. I aggressively told her that no one could know that she was pregnant. No one. And if I wasn’t going to have this baby, no one else would. Going through with adoption would mean telling the world that we made a mistake. How shameful would it have been to finish high school with a pregnant girlfriend? Also, if my parents found out, how much shame I would have brought to my family’s name?
Several weeks went by and I pressured my girlfriend to call Planned Parenthood. Being both minors in High School we were able to make arrangements around classes to get this procedure done. Words cannot describe the dark, cold feeling I felt walking into the doors of Planned Parenthood. When the abortion was completed, I can still remember seeing my girlfriend walk outside those doors. She looked dead! No expression, just deep sorrow and pain. I immediately felt ashamed and had an overwhelming sense of regret. What did I just do! How could I have sent her, my girlfriend, to such a place? At that very moment, I realized how deeply I offended God. And at that moment realized that I had made the worst decision of my life.
During the next few weeks, our relationship began to take its toll. I made Crystal promise not to tell anyone about our abortion. And at that moment we began the 13 years of silence, promising to never speak about it again.
Not even three years had gone by and Crystal and I found ourselves right back in the same situation. But this time we were now in college and in a long distance relationship. The fear came right back.
And like a coward my first reaction was to go to keep this pregnancy a secret again. During the next few weeks I would try to pressure Crystal to have an abortion, having very little consideration about the trauma she had just experienced just two years prior; an appointment with Planned Parenthood was booked. So there I was on the phone as she was driving to her appointment, and her exit was coming up. I quickly got off the phone and told her to call me back when she was done. But by the grace of God, Crystal stayed on that freeway and never went near that place.
Crystal immediately called me crying, saying that she could not do this again. And at that moment, I let my guard down. We chose life. Six months later our first born daughter Amaya Lee Rico was born.
Becoming a Father opened my eyes to the sanctity of life. I realized for the very first time as I was holding my Amaya in my arms how precious life is. It was a bittersweet moment because, as I looked deeply into her blue eyes, I wondered how I could have ever advocated for her death. The very thought of aborting Amaya would make me cringe for years to come.
Crystal and I did get married shortly after, however we never dealt with the issues of our previous abortion. I had suppressed those emotions so deep that I did not realize that I was not happy. There was a void, an emptiness I could not explain. Deep down Inside I hated myself for what I did. I began to look at pornography to fill this emptiness inside me. This destructive behavior was keeping me up at night. I developed insomnia for a period of time and came to a realization that I was experiencing depression. Our marriage was experiencing serious problems.
I knew it was time to seek help, because God revealed to me that He wanted to put my past to rest and bring healing to me. So my wife and I came across Rachel’s Vineyard, a healing retreat for post-abortive men and women. Words cannot describe how amazing this retreat was for my healing. For the first time in my life in 13 years, I discovered the forgiveness I had so longed for. I was able to forgive myself and bring honor to my child.
I want to conclude by saying how important it is for men to have a voice. Men are the secret to the prolife movement. We need to step up and be there for the women in our lives and help promote a culture of life! And if there are men out there hurting from abortion, women do not silence them. We need their voices, and that is why I am SILENT NO MORE!
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