I am Julia from Toronto, Canada.  I stand here today to tell you that I Regret My Abortion.

This is how it started.  In 1976 at age 21, my life situation involved a new job, with school debts, no savings, unmarried, peers who were single and childless, and childhood trauma.  All these affected the way I reacted to the normal consequences of being a healthy, young, sexually active, person – who was now PREGNANT – abortion was the ONLY choice I considered, and it would be my secret.

I placed my trust in a doctor I found and the abortion took place in a major hospital, under anesthetic.  Everyone, including me, played our part in this well-rehearsed play, to get it over and done with.  I even returned to work the next day on the assumption I was perfectly OK.

But nine years after the abortion, after marriage and following the birth of my wonderful children, I found that I was experiencing: nightmares, insecurity, distrust, anxiety, and indecision.  I became unable to manage basic day-to-day living, and my life spiraled downward into depression.

For the next 12 years I went from therapy to therapy, but these did not help.   

My marriage failed—my “happy ever after” life was not to be!  Why couldn't the deterioration of my life be fixed?  Why couldn’t we get to the ROOT cause? 

Finally, one day, my secret was exposed 23 years after the abortion – when I read these words: "If you are depressed from having had an abortion, help is available..."

Well - My entire body was frozen!  Depression = abortion.    Abortion = depression.

At that moment, my body knew the truth—that I had to deal with my choice!  The abortion had changed me!

After two weeks, the time it took to gather my courage, I called the post-abortion support group for help. I journeyed with other men and women through a healing process and shared my secret in a confidential, welcoming place.

I learned: My baby was real!  I named her Marissa - She is in heaven with God.  AND it is OK to grieve the loss of her life.  I repented of my sin AND received forgiveness.  And although it took a while to integrate the healing process, especially trusting myself and others, I feel and have even experienced JOY in my life.

I regret my abortion.  I don't want you OR anyone to suffer as I had.   That is why I am Silent No More!