Abortion was never something that I thought was right. In my heart it was always wrong.
I was a Christian when I had my abortion. I was in a tailspin in my life. I had recently divorced my husband of 17 years and had met a wonderful man, who really loved me. Together we made a baby, but the timing was just not right. My boyfriend at the time convinced me that abortion was our only option. I went along with him because I did not want to lose him. What I did not realize at the time was that if I had stood up to him about the abortion, he still would have stayed with me.
I had my abortion in Buffalo, NY. It was the worst day of my life, because I knew it was very wrong. I prayed in that clinic for God to forgive me and to never let me forget any aspect of this day. Most of the women, which included the doctor, were kind to me but counseling about my choices was pretty much nonexistent. The only person who was the epitome of evil was the nurse in the recovery room. Her attitude, face, and demeanor were from the pits of hell.
My boyfriend and I tried to put that day out of our minds, but my anger, hurt, and pain festered for the next 10 years. We married five years after our abortion, but my anger continued to grow, and my husband became the recipient of my entire wrath. I held him responsible for the loss of my baby. Little did I know that I was also to blame, just as much as he was.
My road to healing began with my counselor daughter, who knew of my plan to leave my husband. She knew about my abortion, because she asked me why I was so angry at him. She told me I needed to ask God to forgive me, to forgive myself, and YES, to forgive him. It was a long road to total healing. I needed to come to terms with myself, and once I was able to do that God led me to a very good friend, who I later learned was a pastor. I sought out Christian counseling, and the last thing I did was become part of a Bible-based healing program, Surrendering the Secret.
My husband and I are in a great place now. My anger has been replaced with love and forgiveness towards him and myself. Abortion hurts babies, but it also hurts women and men. It is time to be Silent No More!