I had two abortions. The 1st one I was dating/sleeping with two men at the same time. I'm not sure which was the father. I don't believe that had any impact on why I chose the abortion. I think fear of not being ready or even remotely financially able to have a child were big factors. I think I felt relieved at the time, though I have carried the guilt for over 30 years. I remember feeling like I was just a number at the clinic. I have kept quiet about it far too long and feel like a piece of crap daily. I've never felt forgiven nor sought help.  Even though I see a psychiatrist on a monthly basis, I don't remember ever telling him. I suffer from depression and major anxiety and panic attacks. 

During my 2nd abortion, I was living with my 2nd live-in boyfriend, 1200 miles from home. I was young, far from my family and friends, and was being horrifically abused. I had just lost my mother, and he told me he would leave me (I had nowhere to go). I called my dad, and he told me to come home to NY. I was living in south Florida at that time. I didn't feel I would get any support from him or any of my eight siblings, and I felt I had no choice, even though I did seek help via phone about the abuse. I just had no trust that things would work out. So off I went for yet the 2nd time. I still never sought help of any kind. 

My sister, who was still a teenager at the time of my 1st abortion, has since been my rock and invited me to march this year. 

I believe my life would have been so much brighter had I chosen life. In all honesty, I can't say for sure if I didn't know then what I know now that I would not have taken the same path. I've suffered my whole life with the guilt and shame. I cry whenever I think or speak to my sister about it. I'm crying now and fighting a losing battle with alcoholism. I wish I could go back and tell that young woman that I was how things really are. But I can't. She's no longer exists. All that is left is this older woman with so many regrets and so much pain, and no way to change things. I wish I could tell every young girl and woman my story and be able to convey every thought and feeling that I am experiencing. But I can't. There just aren't enough words or ways to explain.