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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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Ashes into Beauty
Virginia, United States

When I was a freshman in college I had a feeling I was pregnant. Waves of panic overcame me. I prayed to God to not let it be true. The next week I woke up after dreaming that a little girl was running and hugging me. I shrugged it off. After the school nurse confirmed my fears, I mentioned what I thought the best choice would be. “That will come back to haunt you” she said. I thought, “How would she know? Has she ever been 18 and pregnant?” The baby’s father begged me not to abort our child. He vowed to be a good father.

At Planned Parenthood an ultrasound was performed with the screen turned away and the sound off. I laid there in silence, scared. I was asked if I was ready to be a parent. Anyone can guess my answer. I asked, “How big is it?" and was told “It’s nothing, a clump of cells, the size of this pencil tip.” I went through with the abortion, and afterward almost passed out when allowed to get up by myself to use the restroom.

Initially I felt relief and returned to my “life” as if nothing had happened, but I found myself turning to alcohol and promiscuous behavior. 

In nursing school I learned about fetal development and the horrifying reality came to my eyes. I had consented to killing my baby without even knowing a baby was there. 

After I got married, my husband and I lost a baby to miscarriage. I had seen the baby’s heartbeat twice. I miscarried when the baby was the same age as the baby I aborted.
We would later be blessed by two more children but my abortion left a hole in my heart that won’t be filled until I meet that girl in my dreams, my daughter, in heaven.

I have found healing through my church’s abortion recovery program, and I know that because of Jesus I will meet my lost children one day. I have apologized to my daughter’s father, and have told others my story in hopes that my ashes can be turned into beauty. That is why I am Silent No More. 


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