When I was 25 and single, I got pregnant. I was afraid of my judgmental father’s reaction. My boyfriend then is now my husband of 27 years. I chose to abort out of fear of my dad and wanting a fairytale wedding, so he went along with my decision. In October of 1989, at around 6 weeks pregnant, a nurse held my hand as the masked doctor performed the surgical abortion. I thought I was just terminating “a pregnancy”! I went on to get engaged the following June on what likely could have been the day my first child would have been born! We had the big wedding, bought a beautiful home, and had four amazing children.
I stuffed the reality of it deep inside of me, not realizing this was the root cause of years of anger, marital problems, and turning to alcohol to numb my feelings. I carried on as if the abortion never took place. But 25 years later, the memory resurfaced with a vengeance. I decided to look up what actually happens in a surgical abortion and I could not stop crying! I’ve balled my eyes out seeing babies and toddlers in stores, on tv, or at church.
Thankfully, I was just returning to my Catholic faith at the time, so I had the Church and our Lord to lean on. I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat and Surrendering the Secret Bible Study. I made lifelong friends, some of whom I traveled with to come here. I named my child David Christopher. I’d give anything to have been able to raise him with his siblings, but I have entrusted him to God, Jesus, & Mary in heaven. I wouldn’t wish the suffering I’ve been through on anyone….and so I’m Silent No More!