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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

EXPRESS YOUR REGRET

Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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Years of Pain and Shame
S
California, United States

I left a very dysfunctional home at 16 and had huge abandonment issues. I fell in love with a guy, and I got pregnant.  He was leaving the state for a job, and I wasn’t sure he would come back. How could I take care of the baby?  I was also drinking and doing recreational drugs—what if something wrong with the baby?  I had always wanted to have my own family and children, but I was afraid.  And fear is a liar. Fear can debilitate you into making a decision that you will regret for the rest of your life. 

The process at the Planned Parenthood clinic was sterile. I was close to the three-month period, and I believe they gave me a sonogram or ultrasound, but I did could not see them perform it. 

I learned later that they don’t let you hear or see anything. This revelation made me feel so robbed and manipulated. I know that if I would have heard the heartbeat or seen the baby, I would not have made that decision. 

When I woke up from the anesthesia, I became hysterical. The nurse asked, “Was there anything wrong?” I said, “Of course there is something wrong; I just killed my baby.” I wanted to know if it was a boy.  She said, “Yes, it was a boy.” I don’t know if that was true or not but, in my heart, it felt true. 

From that day, it was downhill. I withdrew. I went into a depression. I remember all I wanted to do was work, come home, and go to sleep. My relationship with my boyfriend disintegrated, because I had nothing to give, and my heart was broken. 

I never had children. Subconsciously, it kept me from getting too far involved in relationships that would get me to marriage and having a family. I felt like I didn’t deserve that. 

After 23 years, God led me to a post-abortion healing class called Forgiven and Set Free. Even though God had forgiven me, I never forgave myself. After years of pain and shame, I was able to experience His true love and mercy. Although it still brings tears and heartache, I regret my abortion and I will be silent no more!

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