I had my first child when I was 20 and single, college student. But neither the dad of the child nor I thought of abortion. You see, that was before Roe v. Wade. We conceived five more children after marrying. And then my husband listened to the arguments of the abortion industry, that you have heard here when people were still standing here saying “it's their body”. The truth is, it is another body, two bodies when you're pregnant. There is no excuse, but people listen to a lie long enough they will sometimes give in to that lie, as my husband did.
And when he said to me, "There's only one thing to do," my fear was that our marriage wasn't strong enough. Here we were, we had four children. A third child had died premature birth. So I listened to my husband. I went to the clinic where they told me, "If you have a problem with it afterwards, we have counseling." "Why should I have any problem?" I thought.
So I made an appointment for five days after Roe v. Wade. The night before my appointment, spontaneously, I looked up and asked, "God, is there anything wrong in what I'm going to do? Man says it isn't even life. What do you say?" I had asked aloud, and I did not have a personal relationship with God, but I knew a little of His history, and didn't hear him reply. Assumed it was okay.
But in the morning, God answered, for in the morning a clerk called to say, "The doctor has to cancel his appointments." Actually, it was God had to cancel the appointment. But I wasn't listening yet. I didn't remember the night before. I didn't recognize and didn't make the connection.
But fortunately, very fortunately for me, the denial of the grief and the guilt and shame only lasted a year and a half when a relative called to say he had found God to be reality and man had messed up this world. Messed up I knew, but reality I did not.
He suggested I take the four children and go to a service that night, and I did. I heard one thing, that everyone needs to become aware of, that we need God's will, instead of trying to make our will God's.
And so I began to talk to Him about my historic belief, "In you," I said. "You know I believe in you and your Son, that He died for me and rose from the dead." And a weight like the building came down on me, a conviction. Not to crush me, but to bring the realization of the truth. And inside was a scream, "Oh, God, I have murdered," agreeing with Him. But then the weight was gone. The guilt was gone, and I felt only the peace of knowing that God was no longer far away, that I belonged to Him.
So now for 45 years, having the forgiveness and life of God in Christ Jesus, I have been silent no more.